June 1, 1216
Hello Amanda,
Never thought you'd get a letter from me, did 'ya? I hope you don't
mind me writing you. We don't know each other that well, but after all
that's happened, I thought you'd be likely to listen to my words with
an open mind. That and I have to tell someone what's happened since I
left.
After I left I wandered around the outside world and let me tell you,
it is totally different than back home. The people and creatures range
from the normal to the bizarro. I made some friends, but probably too
many enemies. Trying to be a kick-ass heroine is harder than it's made
out in the stories. I got used to the danger and excitement, but living
way out on the edge got to be a total drag after a few months. That and
the lack of hygenic facilities we take for granted at home.
Eventually I came to the May Queen's territory. Now here is someone I
can almost understand! She is cool, cruel, and and has an attitude.
Remind you of anybody we both know and love? I spent a few months
there, trying to be the best bard I could be. It wasn't quite the same
as home, but I thought I could get to used to it.
And then one day the Queen came to my room and said I had to go! Seems
that she had to repay a favor and she had given me to some shmucky old
geezer to be his "personal" bard. Like hell I was going to be some old
guy's "assistant"! And then she cast a spell on me! That
no-good-for-nothing-lame-ass-cheating-harlot May Queen...
As it turns out, it wasn't so bad. The old man wanted a bard to record
his biography for future old people. He also wanted me to run errands
and deliver letters to and fro. It would have been nice to have gotten
a choice, but I guess we should all be used to it by now, don't 'cha
think?
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And guess
where I ended up in? Spain! And not just that, it's 1216!
It's like that story about the dude that ended up in King Arthur's
court, you know the one I'm talking about? Maybe not, it was before
your time. Ask your sister, maybe Jenn knows. This has got to be the
weirdest thing that's ever happened to anybody back home. Well, except
for that surprise birthday party thrown for TMC. Too bad you and the
rest of the SRT weren't there. Come to think of it, I wasn't there
either. But I heard that her worshipfulness actually got totally
stinking drunk! That must have been a sight. Too bad I was tied up at
the time.
Anyway, I spent a year travelling Spain and delivering messages. I even
got inducted into this sort of postal organization that delivers mail
throughout Europe. You even get this red pointy hat looking thing to
wear if you want to. I feel like an elf when I wear it, but it goes
well with this red leather outfit I wear when I'm on the job. Sometimes
I feel like the DoN... err, don't tell you-know-who I said that. BTW, I
think I'm getting that yi-yi-yi-yi warcry down pat.
So, after the year was up the old coot says I'm finished and I can go
where I please. Like where am I supposed to go? I asked around and
found out that the happening place in all of Spain is this homestead a
bit north of Valencia. It's called Prospecting Locos or something like
that. I'm leaving soon to see what's the scene like there. But I
thought I'd write this letter to let everyone know that I'm still alive
and thriving.
Don't write back yet. I'll give you a permanent address when I find a
place for myself. I miss you all terribly. I hope that someday I'll be
forgiven and allowed to return back home.
Your friend,
Larissa (that's the name I'm using now, get it, it's my... well, if you
don't know, ask someone else) the Bard |