There are times when I don't relate well to younger people. There is this gap that you try to breach and it's like "was I ever this dumb/temperamental?" Let me start by saying that as the older person, it's my responsibility to keep the conversation from straying into a pointless argument. And with that, let me relate what happened.

Since I run a mailing list, I have to approve messages from newbies until I feel that they know what they're posting about. This is about a month, and occassionally some patient person slips through. Case in point, let's call him Ben. So this new guy decides to start a petition and he posts two messages on Sunday, which briefly say "sign my petition, here's the URL". No other info.

I don't like people spamming the list, so I moderate him. Then I check out the web site. Sure enough, there's a place to sign this petition. But the reasons for the petition and what he's going to do with all these signatures is not clear to me. But I let it slide since I don't have the time to deal with every little thing.

Later that week -- and note that nobody has replied to Ben's initial messages, although he now has some 24 signatures -- he tries to post again. Once again, it's just a one line message saying with a URL. So this time I reject the message, asking him to explain the petition, what his plan of attack will be for using these signatures, and what are the pros and cons of doing it this way in lieu of other methods.

Now I can look back and see that I went a bit too far. I had already looked at his profile so I knew he was 18, and I let his previous behavior color the tone of my message a bit. He had already shown himself to be a bit of a hothead when teased, and I think I was a bit too mocking and self righteous in my message. Sort of a "what can a freshthing like you bring in that will make a difference compared to other attempts?"

That resulted in a rather heated reply. Although he was very animated, he didn't really answer my questions with any intelligence, as far as I could tell. It just seemed to me like he was dealing with this project day to day without any cohesive plan. But he at least posted a message that had more information, which I let through.

Once again I asked him to answer these questions that had gone unanswered. Unfortunately, I also answered honestly his question of whether I trusted a "true fan" like him. No, I said, I don't trust someone who doesn't seem to have a plan and who doesn't seem to have any self control. Why should I trust him to deal with magazine/tv people in a level-headed manner when he can't do that with me?

Let me say again that this is my fault. You push a kid too far and they will blow up. I probably would have done the same thing 10 years ago, or maybe not since I was a lot quieter back then. Basically his reply to his last letter was a personal attack against a non-believer, someone who is obviously trying to sabotage his project, I had made a lifelong enemy and he was unsubscribing from the list. And, by the way, he had gotten 30 positive e-mails about his project and only my one negative e-mail.

Four days later he still hasn't unsubscribed, and he actually posted another message, trying to start some other thread, which I let through. He now has forty signatures, and with that kind of return it's really hard for me to imagine that he'd gotten 30 e-mails of any kind about this. From my experience and that of a couple of other people who've posted group activity things, people just don't write to say what a good job you're doing. Yeah, they'll join or participate, but they don't comment on your efforts.

As many things are, this is a learning experience. I have to learn to be more careful when dealing with people. I still have to do what I think is right, but the execution can leave something to be desired. It's good to write this down so I can deal with it. And hopefully I'll be able to deal with Ben next time without any ill feelings from what he wrote to me.