From: "Erin Hunt" Date: Fri Dec 08, 2000 12:25:00 US/Pacific To: hudsonleick@egroups.com Subject: [hudsonleick] A Cirran Thanksgiving, Part 1-The Guests Arrive Reply-To: hudsonleick@egroups.com I found this first part to the Thanksgiving skit I was writing last year, the one that somehow never got finished, and decided to finish it as a skit for this year's Thanksgiving. Here, I'm just reposting part one. I hope you enjoy it. To refresh everyone's memory, the players consist of list members who e-mailed to say they wanted to be included in the skit, Goddess Callisto, Hudson Leick, and the main characters from "Buffy" and "Angel". Please note that at the time I wrote part one, Riley, Anya, and Tara were still recurring characters, and Gunn hadn't even been introduced yet. I didn't want to go back and rewrite this, not to mention make that much more work for myself in the following installments, so I just left them out. **************************************** Erin is sliding the sweet potato casserole into the oven. Doorbell: Erin: OOOOOOWWWWWW!!! (Seconds later...) Erin: Dingane! You're the very first person here! Dingane: So I'm uptight?? Is that what you're saying?? Erin: This is not in the spirit of the holidays. Dingane: Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, truly I am. I'm just worn out. Halloween, the Goddess's announcement, Thanksgiving, Callistomas, Christ- errrr, stuff. And then I have to travel all the way to the space station to get my dish for this party! Erin: Tang? Dingane: Klingon blood pie. Erin: Ahem. Well. That looks... quite unique. Why don't you put it in that cupboard over there? Dingane: Isn't that where you keep your cat food? Erin: It doubles as a food cupboard. Dingane: Are you sure? Erin: Oh yeah. Dingane: Well then, I'll just pop it in here and- what the Tartarus is this!! Erin: Do you like it? I thought I'd go the natural decoration route this fall. Dingane: Goddess zap away all your money again? Erin: What? That is the most absurd... well, yeah, she did. Dingane: Ahem. Well. It looks... quite unique. Why don't I just put this away... Erin: Oh. Sure. I'll just get an ice pack for this burn. Dingane opens his mouth, but she's already gone. Just as Erin reaches the freezer... Doorbell: Erin: Judge Terror! I'm so glad you could come! Terror: Erin! You get that unfortunate incident straightened out with Chief Jeff yet? Erin: No problem. It was just a *little* misunderstanding about an Annoying Bard doll. Terror: Great. Hate to have had to throw you in the slammer on Thanksgiving Day! Oh, here, I brought some haggis for dinner. Erin: Wow. Thanks. Dingane is in the living room, by the way. Terror: I wonder if he knows any drinking songs? Erin: Drinking so... oh, boy. She puts the haggis in the same cupboard with the blood pie. Doorbell: Erin: Queen Gaerel, so glad you could make it. And in full Amazon queen regalia, too! Gaerel: Happy Thanksgiving! Not that my people have much to be thankful for, what with famine and deforestation and disease and lack of new recruits and lowering of warrior standards. But I'd rather not talk about that right now, OK? I brought something to season our food with. Erin: Mrs. Dash? Gaerel: Henbane! Cool, huh? I know it's a controlled substance, but you only live once, right? Erin: Of course, I'd prefer for that one life to last as long as possible... Gerry walks up behind Queen Gaerel. Gerry: Hey, what's on the spit, pilgrims? Erin: Gaerel: Gerry: Ummmm, I brought nutbread. You know me, any favorite food of the Bard's is a favorite food of mine. Gaerel: Nutbread was William Shakepeare's favorite food? Gerry: Errrr... yeah. Whenever the Goddess might be around, anyhow. Erin: Hey, this bread is frozen! And why is there an inked-out label on the plastic wrap? Gerry: So, where's the party? Erin: Gerry scampers off, attempting to drag Queen Gaerel along with him. Gaerel: Gerry: While Erin is putting the nutbread in the microwave, she realizes that she's right next to the freezer. Right next to a cool, soothing ice pack for her... Erin: RKT: Happy Holidays! Erin: Hi! Love the squash necklace and Pilgrim hat. Very Thanksgiving-ish. I guess you probably brought something *really* Thanksgiving-ish for dinner too? RKT: Miso! Yum! Erin: What- what is miso? RKT: It's a soy-based product used to make miso soup. Erin: Soy-based? Miso soup? RKT: Yeah, you put this in turkey broth and add tofu and green onion. Erin: Oh, rats. I seem to be fresh out of tofu. Darth Skeye: Did someone say tofu? Cause I brought fixings for tofu-avocado-cucumber-bean sprout-mustard pitas. Hudson will love this! Maybe even enough to kiss me! Erin: Ah, Darth. Thanks. Won't you come in. RKT and Darth try to enter, but find their path blocked by Erin, arms folded and toe tapping. Darth: Is something wrong? Erin: I was just wondering when someone was going to mention something about how my place looks. RKT: Oh! Gee, the pad looks terrific! Erin: RKT: Except why did you sling bunches of dead leaves on string all over the place? Darth: Yeah, and who gave you that stupid cornucopia made of popsicle sticks? Erin: Get in there! Erin goes into the kitchen, puts some ice cubes in a Ziplock bag, and uses a towel to tie it to her burnt hand. Erin: Ahhhhh. At last. Doorbell, blah, blah, blah. Erin: Hey, M & M! Mike: Hi! Melissa: Yeah, me too. Each has a bowl in one hand and a takeout paper cup in the other. Mike: Here, I brought some ambrosia. Erin: Mike! Do you have any idea what the Goddess will do if... Mike: Not *that* kind of ambrosia, silly! Sort of a fruit cocktail. Erin: Oh. Mike: It has a dash of vanilla pudding mix in it, too... old family recipe. Erin: Well, it sounds delicious. Melissa: I brought whole, spiced peaches. Old family recipe. Erin: Mmmmm, smells great! And what's in the cups? Melissa: Well, we passed Krispy Kreme and just couldn't pass up getting a couple of mochacinos. Erin: Krispy Kreme sells mochacinos? Mike: Goddess's orders. Melissa: Yeah, no iced mochacinos, though, which is what I really wanted. Well, speak of the devil... Thanks, Erin! Erin, a bowl in the crook of each arm, is helpless to stop her. Erin: Yes, you're welcome. Why don't you join the others in the living room? As Mike and Melissa walk off, Erin turns to go back to the kitchen. Erin: Aaaaagggghhhh! Kira Loret is rappeling in from the foyer skylight. Kira: Sorry I scared you. Erin: Scared? *Me*? What would ever give you that idea? Kira: OK, then, sorry I startled you. I'm just trying to earn my rugged individualist survival badge from the community college, and I thought this would be good practice. Erin: Hey, don't worry about it. If you can rappel in a dress and high heels, you can rappel in just about anything. Kira: Thanks. It's always nice to get some outside input on these things, don't you think? Now, if I can just learn to edibly prepare raw fish... Erin: Kira: Oh, don't worry. I brought something more suitable for a Thanksgiving feast to the party. Erin: And that would be...? Kira: Lamyan. It's sort of a spicy soup I discovered while mountain climbing in the Orient. Erin: Lamyan. Well, I've never had it, but I look forward to trying it. Kira: You'll love it, I promise. Ooooh, sounds like a fight. Gotta go. For several seconds, Erin just stands, motionless, in the center of the foyer. Erin: Now, this is a weird night, even for New Cirra. A voice calls out from behind her. Elliot: Why do you have a rope dangling from your skylight? Erin: Fire escape. Elliot: Oh. Where should I put the food I brought? Erin: Just give it to me, I'll put it away. Elliot: I decided on roast pork and applesauce. Goddess must like pork, considering how often she makes people squeal a pig. Erin: Man, this smells wonderful! What recipe did you use? Elliot: Oh, it's nothing fancy. I was a gourmet chef before I came to New Cirra, but it's nothing fancy. Erin: Well, in that case... Elliot: Of course, you realize that the secret to moist, tender pork roast is careful browning. That seals in the juices. That reminds me... Erin: Yes, yes... why don't you just join the oth- Elliot: Wait, don't you want to hear about the Great Pork-Off of '83? Erin: Oh, but you shouldn't waste it on me. Let the other guests hear about the Great Pork-Off of '83! Elliot: Hmmm, you have a point. Erin sets the pork roast on the sideboard in the kitchen and lifts the tin foil. It really does look good. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to take just a *liiittle* bit right now... Goddess scream. Erin: Aaaah!! I wasn't... I swear... Oh, doorbell. GC: Love the doorbell. In fact, this being the holidays and all, I may just feel up to getting your money back from... wherever I sent it. Erin: It's a beaut, isn't it? But Goddess... I thought I mentioned that this was a formal dress party. GC: You did. Erin: Well, then why... um... GC: Are you blind? Can't you see I polished up my best armor? Erin looks closely. It looks just like GC's regular armor to her. Erin: Yes, I guess I can. My mistake. GC: Good worshippers are so hard to find. Erin: Where's Hudson? Isn't she coming? GC: Oh, she'll be here. I teleported out of the car. The woman drives like a maniac! I mean, it's scary, Erin. You should report it to the Cirran Board of Transportation or something. Erin: Gee, I wonder where she gets it? GC: It's a mystery. Sound of car pulling up outside. Well, screeching to a halt at the curb, really. Erin: Hudson? GC: Uh-huh. A few seconds later, Hudson walks in, wearing an Audrey Hepburn-esque wine red column dress and strappy suede heels. Erin: Wow! Hudson, you look great! Hudson: Thanks. I think a special occasion isn't really special without a nice evening gown. That's why I've worn a different one to every single convention I've ever appeared at. GC: Yeah, I would have done that, but I have a trademark look and all... you understand. Hudson: Don't mind her. She's just sore because I scared her by going a *little* over the speed limit. Erin: GC: You're saying what? She furrows her brow as she tries to dig deeper into Erin's thoughts. Erin hastily bolsters her mental barriers. Hudson: Come on Callisto, you know you can't read Erin's mind. Erin: Say, what did you guys bring for dinner? GC: I brought my favorite food. Erin: Great! Falafel? Stuffed dates? Baklava? GC: Chili dogs. Snaps her fingers, a massive tray of hot dogs leaking chili grease appears on the foyer table. Erin: Um, yum? Hudson: If it helps, I brought a honeybaked ham, with cinnamon and cloves. Erin: THanks, both of you. GC: By the way, I thought you said the party was at 7, but I'm noticing a distinct lack of action in this place. Erin: You know, it is awfully quiet. Everyone should be in the living room. They go to the living room. Except for a smashed porcelain figurine and a fine smattering of dead leaves from Erin's "natural decorations" on the floor, the room is deserted and undisturbed. Erin: What the...?? Hudson: Why is the floor vibrating? Erin: The rec room! GC: You mean the basement? Erin: Whatever. ********************************************* Next- Part 2: The Party Erin Hunt Your Friendly Neighborhood Psycho-blood-goddess-of-vengeance Worshipper ============================================================================== From: "Erin Hunt" Date: Fri Dec 08, 2000 12:35:00 US/Pacific To: hudsonleick@egroups.com Subject: [hudsonleick] A Cirran Thanksgiving, Part II- The Party Reply-To: hudsonleick@egroups.com Special thanks to "Mystery Science Theater 3000" for the paranoia speech. That show has so much in common with the CRS, I couldn't resist adding a little tribute. I also suggest listening to the party music during the section involving the guests' conversations, for atmosphere. And now, for the long awaited (and I do mean *long* awaited) Part II... ************************************ Erin, Hudson, and GC rush into the basement. Erin: WHAT??? Hudson: You chose the faux rosewood paneling. Nice. GC: Dingane and Terror are raucously singing drinking songs, although they have no drinks of any kind, much less alcoholic ones. Queen Gaerel and Melissa are sparring with pool cues on top of the pool table. Kira Loret is rappeling from a beam. Elliot is perusing the CD rack, humming the "Cheese, glorious cheese" jingle. Mike and Darth are playing with GC and Destroyer of Nations dolls (excuse me, action figures), making loud "sword clanging" noises as the little plastic combatants clash. Gerry and RKT are sprawled out on the couch, shoes off and ties loosened, watching "Touched By An Angel". RKT: Man, that Roma Downey is hot. Gerry: Erin: Hey! Be careful with those things, will you? Gaerel: Oh, we will. Melissa: Yeah, don't worry. They go back to bashing at each other with the cues. Hudson: Oh dear Goddess, I'm on TV! I don't like seeing myself on the screen, it's weird. She rushes over and asks RKT and Gerry to put in one of Erin's taped episodes of "Farscape", which they happily do. GC wanders over to Mike and Darth and takes Mike's GC doll- er, action figure. She lifts it's arm and makes a tiny fireball, about the size of a gumball, come out. Within seconds, the DON action figure is reduced to a work of modern art. Darth: YOW!! GC: Now *that's* entertainment! Goddess doorbell goes off. Everyone freezes in place for a moment, then goes back to whatever they were doing. Erin sighes and goes up to answer it. Erin: He- She gets steamrollered to the ground. When her vision finally clears, she sees Buffy pinning her down, holding a stake and looking franticly around. Buffy: What's wrong?? Where is the woman who screamed?? Erin: Oh, tha- Oh, that. That was just my doorbell. You know, it's one of those novelty doorbells. This one has the sound of Goddess Callisto's battle cry. Buffy: Are you sure? Erin: Trust me, I've had it for monthes. Although Goddess *just noticed*... Um, you didn't come alone, did you? Buffy: Oh, no. Sorry about that. She tucks the stake back into her skirt, straightens her outfit. Buffy: You can come in now! It was just a doorbell! Enter Giles, Joyce, Willow, Xander, Oz, Cordelia, Angel, and Wesley, all looking faintly creeped out. Xander: Sorry we're late, but we had a hard time finding an airline representative who didn't fall over backward, fling their schedule book into the air, and laugh until they had spittle all over their vest when we asked if they had a flight going to New Cirra. Willow: Yeah, and when we finally did find someone who would take us, we didn't even get peanuts! Wesley: It was the strangest thing, really. They sort of shoved us down this inflatable chute onto the tarmac, then the plane took off without anybody even saying goodbye. Angel: I wonder who that other person we were told was asking about flights to New Cirra was. It just doesn't feel right. Cordelia: All right, yak time over. Where is the food? I haven't eaten since this morning. Oz: You know, there *was* a food-type substance on the plane... Cordelia: Eat airline food?? When everyone knows it's loaded with fat?? As if! Giles: I don't want to rush you or anything, but I'd really like to see those records on Greek demons you promised us. Erin: Uhhhhh, sure. Just come downstairs. On the way down the stairs... Joyce: I'm a little concerned by the fact that we couldn't find a flight that goes back to the US. Erin: Don't worry about that. We'll just have you flown home in the Goddess's private jet. She doesn't really need one, being a Goddess and all. It was just one of those toys she just *had* to have, then got tired of. Joyce: I... see. They enter the basement. Hudson is curled up on the sofa, shoes discarded, completely relaxed. She, Gerry, and RKT simultaneously lean forward as, on the screen, Aeryn Sun kicks an enemy's spleen up into his throat. Hudson: That is a beautiful thing. I wish I'd gotten some moves like that when I was playing Callisto. GC: Hey! Watch it! Erin: There are your records. Just ask her anything you want to know. Giles: But, but, but... Erin leaves to check on the sweet potato casserole, then comes back, looking rather panicked. She whispers to GC, and they leave. A few minutes later... GC: Erin, it's time for introductions. Erin: I can't! I can't! GC: Yes, you *can*. Now get up there! Erin: Everybody? May I have your attention? HEY! ANNOUNCEMENT!! Everyone turns to see what she wants. Erin: Some of the people at this party don't know each other too well. So allow me to start by introducing myself. My name is Erin Hunt... or it used to be. I was like you once. I believed that what I had been taught was right and everything was as it seemed. But then one day, I became the target of a group of secret government agents who basicly erased every shred of evidence that I ever existed. They took my identity... my life. Now I run, never knowing when I'll be caught or where my enemies will show up next. But they should know... I will stop at *nothing* to get back what's mine. Hudson: Erin! We found your wallet! GC: Yeah, it fell out of your coat pocket and behind the vacuum cleaner, just like I said it probably had. Erin: Phew. Looks like I didn't have to do much at all to get back what's mine. Hudson: Oh, dear. You weren't telling them about the secret government conspiracy, were you? Erin: Well, my wallet was missing... GC: Folks, pay no attention to her. Everything *is* exactly as it seems. Hudson: Speaking of which, wasn't Mulder supposed to come too? GC: No, he couldn't make it. Said something about having a reputation to live down to. Believe me, I sympathize. Terror: Erin gets like this sometimes. Actually, we *all* get like this sometimes. Buffy: Erin: Wait a minute... how do I know this wallet is mine??? GC: It is. See, same autographed picture of Johnny Depp, even. Erin: Oh. Yeah. Hudson: And you want to hang onto an identity like that. It's sad, really. GC: So what are you waiting for, flygirl? Get on with the introductions. A girl dressed entirely in black suddenly barges in, just as the entire Buffy gang is trying to sneak out. Buffy: Faith! Faith: B! Fashion gods still haven't taken pity on you, I see. Buffy flies through the air toward Faith, delivering a jump kick that is quickly dodged. Her foot crashes through the wall, leaving a large hole. While Buffy is trying to free her foot, Faith starts tickling her. Buffy: Ha... ho... stop that... he... you... bi- hahahhahahaha! Buffy manages to stop writhing long enough to back fist her, then yanks her foot loose and body slams Faith backward, sending them both sprawling in front of the television just as John Crichton is about to get shot. Gerry, RKT and Hudson: HEY!!! GC: Finally, the entertainment! The two combatants fall to the ground, punching and wrestling. Xander: God, I am thankful for- Joyce: Angel moves in and pulls them apart. Angel: Buffy, wait! She's changed, she really has! Buffy: She still slept with my boyfriend! While *in my body*! Suddenly, the room is deathly quiet, and every eye snaps toward them. Faith: And I *apologized*! Even though you were blinding me with the glare from that hideous red jacket! I think I showed a lot of remorse, under the circumstances. Buffy sneers. Buffy: And how many hookers did you have to beat up to get that dress? Faith: Yeah? Well, you're not a real blonde. Every eye snaps toward Buffy. Angel: She's not? Buffy screams in rage and the two girls lunge at each other. As GC levitates to get a better view, a group of Cirrans manage to pull them apart (the Buffy guests are all too busy gaping foolishly at GC). A voice hollers, "ATTENTION!!!" Everyone turns to see Erin has jumped back up on the pool table. Erin: Look, everyone- I think we should let Faith explain what she's doing here. No, as your hostess, I *demand* that you let her explain. Willow pats Buffy's arm. Willow: Come on, Buff. Happy thoughts. Faith: Finally, someone bothers to notice that I have feelings too. Erin: So, uh, Faith... why are you here? Faith: You invited me. Erin: Faith: In Romania? Erin: Faith: You helped me polish off a gang of super nasty vamps, and we really hit it off. So you gave me your business card and told me to visit any time, and I did. By the way, how do you make the words on your card move like that? Erin: You- you were the veiled belly dancer??? Oz: What were you doing in Romania, Faith? I mean, I'm sure it's a cool place, Dracula's own hangout and all- Faith: Oh, after I got paroled- I know I wasn't supposed to leave LA and all, but there were just so many negative memories there- I kicked around Pittsburgh for a while. The cops started getting a little too close for comfort, though. Honestly, you kill a few people and they never let you forget it. GC: Have I ever been there. Faith: So I figured, hey, I'm a Slayer. Why not capitalize on what I'm best at? Buffy is visibly starting to quiver, so Angel gently places a hand on Faith's shoulder. Angel: Could we speed it up a little? Faith: I stowed away on a plane to Romania, because I thought they would have *lots* of vampire problems over there. I was right, too. A group of villages hired me to protect them, and it's a swwweeeet deal. I even get to live in a castle that used to belong to one of the plasma snackers I staked. So what if I get in a bar brawl every now and then? I'm doing a lot of good. I've even taken up belly dancing to nurture my sensitive, artistic side. She crosses her arms, looking defensive. Angel beams proudly, yet broodingly. Several seconds of the sound of crickets chirping follows. Erin: Well, why didn't you say something sooner, woman? You're going to fit in just fine! Oh, but I don't want any trouble at my party. Is that clear, everyone? Buffy and Faith grudgingly turn to each other and shake hands. GC flicks a spray of water at Dingane. Dingane turns around and shoots a murderous look at Terror, who's somehow acquired a drink. GC smothers a giggle. Fifteen minutes later... All attempts to herd the party guests up to the living room have failed, as people kept straggling back down as others were being sent up. Finally, Erin just put some music on. Click on this link- http://sleepawaycamp.f2s.com/partymusic.mp3 -to hear a sample of it. Several people are dancing, while others stand in conversational pairs. ******************** Melissa: So you're a werewolf? Oz: Yep. Melissa: And he's a vampire, and she's a witch, and he's a Rogue Demon Hunter? Oz: That's right. Melissa: I want you to know that you are all weird. Oz: Hmmmmmm. ******************** Gerry: Do you like New Amphipolis? I sure don't. Willow: I, errr- Gerry: Say, you can cast curses, can't you? Willow: I, uhhh- ******************** Hudson: So then she did a jump kick and came *right out* of the BGSB! Wesley: Oh my. How embarassing. Hudson: Well, Lucy and I told her not to worry about it. It's not like it didn't happen to all of us at one time or another. Wesley: Did you offer her a cup of tea? Because that really works. ******************** Buffy is demonstrating a hold on Elliot. Mike: Now how do you throw them? Buffy: Just a little twist of the old hips, and... Elliot hits the floor. He proceeds to place his feet against Buffy's chest and toss her over his head with them. Mike: Elliot, man! I didn't know you had it in you! Elliot: All you have to do is attend classes at the Community Warrior Training Center. Mike: Let's get one thing straight- I don't need to take classes at no community center. Buffy flips him. ******************** Xander: Yes, I thought I was a goner, but then it occurred to me that I could make a ham radio out of parts from my Walkman and beeper, a broken zipper, and hair. Gaerel: I thought you said the crypt was deep underground? Xander: Yeah. Well... have I told you about the time I- ******************** Kira: But I thought that demon was extinct. Giles: No, you're probably thinking about the Eegahruh. Very similar, but their horns curl backward instead of forward. Kira: Of course! How stupid of me! ******************** Cordelia: Mr. Rogue Demon Hunter just *had* to ignore us, so he stabbed it in the stomach and almost got the thing's acid guts all over my brand new shoes. Dingane: Cool! Cordelia: Cool??? I just want it to become a deeply repressed memory so I'll never have to think about it again. By the way, what are we having for dinner? Dingane: Do you like Klingon blood pie? ******************** Darth and Terror are dancing maniacly near the chair that Angel is draped across in a melancholy fashion. Darth jumps up and does a midair split, flying over the chair. Angel: Must you do that? Terror: Oh come on. Why don't you just get up and dance? I realize the concept may be foreign to you, but this *is* a party. Angel's eyes cloud over for a second, as if he's daydreaming. Angel: I don't dance. Darth: Wrong answer. A minute or so later, Angel is grooving akwardly in the middle of the floor, with Darth and Terror standing around him chanting, "Go Angel! Go Angel! Go Angel!" ******************** Joyce: New Cirra doesn't get much tourist traffic, does it? RKT: For some reason, no. But Cirrans do globetrot quite a bit. In fact, we're the most travel-oriented people in the world. The Hollywood and RenPics headquarters raids are especially popular. Joyce: Well, it's nice to see young people doing something with their lives, isn't it? RKT: Thanks! I like this place too. ******************** GC: The problem is, no one ever understands what you're going through. Faith: Yeah, it's like just because you make mistakes, you're worthless. The perfect little goody two shoes heroes always get all the attention. GC: If I've said it once, I've said it a million times- I'm not insane, just misunderstood. That's why I founded this place, to give people like me someplace to shine. Faith: Angel has always been the only person who understood me. Say, do you have any good jobs open around here? ******************** Continued in third and final installment. Erin Hunt Your Friendly Neighborhood Psycho-blood-goddess-of-vengeance Worshipper Keeper of Callisto's Cool Spinning Club Move "I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it." %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% "Sleepaway Camp" Video Archive http://www.sleepawaycamp.f2s.com ============================================================================== From: "Erin Hunt" Date: Fri Dec 08, 2000 12:48:00 US/Pacific To: hudsonleick@egroups.com Subject: [hudsonleick] A Cirran Thanksgiving, Part III- Unexpected Visitors Come to Dinner Reply-To: hudsonleick@egroups.com The final installment... ********************************************** As the music reaches an end, the guests become aware of a low roaring noise, getting steadily louder. Suddenly, a car bursts through the back wall. People leap in every direction as the car slides to a stop in the middle of the rec room. Hudson jumps straight up and grabs onto a hanging light fixture. Wesley: Incredible! Hudson: Great. One more thing I'll be asked to do at every convention. She drops down onto the hood of the car and rolls off. ******************** Erin is in the bathroom adjoining the rec room when she hears a gigantic crash that literally rocks the house. Erin: Dear Goddess, what now? She steels herself, then slowly emerges from the bathroom. She sees a beat up station wagon with paint on the windows sitting in the middle of the basement, the enormous hole in the wall it presumably made behind it. A tall, thin blond man and an ethereal dark-haired woman in a white dress emerge. Spike: Spike and Dru are in town! Erin turns around and runs back into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. She looks around franticly. Erin: A weapon! I need a weapon! ******************** Buffy: What are you doing here? And where did *she* come from? Spike: Dru came back to me! Drusilla: I just can't live without my little Spike. Miss Edith missed him too. Spike: So when I heard you'd come here, I thought we'd join you for Thanksgiving and gloat. Easier said than done, though. All the food up here keeps chasing us with swords, which is just not the way it's supposed to be. Sorry little excuse for a country. GC: The food!? She hurls a fireball at him. Buffy dives and grabs her around the ankles, sending her stumbling backward and the fireball shooting over Spike's head. The room catches fire. Buffy: No! He's harmless! Oh my God, I can't believe I just said that. ******************** Erin bursts through the bathroom door, wielding a toilet plunger. She takes in the sight of the flames licking their way aross the walls, and Buffy hugging GC's ankles like a football tackler. Erin: Goddess! Drusilla: Look at all the pretty lights. Kira Loret bounds onto the pool table, then onto the rafters, where she punches her hand through the ceiling tiles and brings it back out with a broken water pipe in it. She bends the pipe around until the water gushing from the end is falling on the fire, drenching the mass of people trying to force their way through the exit door in the process. With the fire out, Kira twists the end of the pipe into a pretzel to stop the flow of water, then jumps down and grabs a pool cue. Erin: Stop! That's my last good- Kira snaps the cue in half with her bare hands, creating two makeshift stakes. Kira: Let's do this the New Cirra way! She lunges at Dru... only to be pounced on by Erin, who proceeds to beat her about the head and shoulders with the rubber end of the plunger. Erin: That... was... my... last... good... cue! Kira shakes her off and goes for Dru again. The vampire steps aside and lets her and Faith, coming from opposite directions, run into each other. Dru jumps up and down and claps. Drusilla: The entertainment is starting! Spike: I promised you a good time, didn't I, love? Faith shoves Kira out of the way. Kira, miffed, punches her. Before you can say "good old-fashioned fun", the two are brawling, and the clusters of fighting are spreading across the room. Willow picks up a priceless vase, captured in a McGabland raid, and starts Willow-whacking attackers. GC levitates above the crowd and claps her cupped hands together, creating a thundering noise. Everyone freezes where they are, some people in holds, some in mid-kick, one swinging Tarzan style from the ceiling fan. Joyce is still holding onto the painting that Queen Gaerel's head is now sticking through. Cordelia, on the verge of panic, is trying to dab a stain out of her dress. Dru has the helpless Spike backed into a corner, defending him from a broken pool cue-wielding Hudson. The only noise, outside of crickets chirping, is the sound of the McGabland vase shattering, since a startled Willow has dropped it. The Cirrans look intensely nervous. GC: Kira! What the *Tartarus* am I to make of this??? All Cirrans except Kira look intensely relieved. GC: Since when do you have super strength? Why didn't I know about this? Every eye is on Kira now. She looks more than a little sheepish. D*mn crickets keep chirping. Finally... Kira: Well, I guess my secret is good and out now. Blast it all. If you guys must know, I'm a Slayer. Erin: Ha! I knew there was something up with all that rappeling! "Survial badge", my hiney! Buffy: But- Faith: But- Buffy: that's impossible! Faith: What she's trying to say is that she was called, then she died for a minute and some chick named Kendra was called, than Kendra died and I was called. Buffy hasn't gotten herself killed again, so how is it possible for you to be a Slayer? Buffy: Kira: Remember when you took your little swan dive off the roof of that building? Faith: Gee, I think I vaguely recall something about that. Kira: Well, you died for like half a minute on the way to the hospital. Hence, me. And thank you *so* much, by the way. This calling is a pain. Giles: Good heavens. Three Slayers. I think I need to sit down. GC: So you go around destroying all manner of evil, unnatural creatures? Kira: Pretty much. GC: I'm not sure how to feel about that. Wesley: Who's your Watcher? GC: Yes, who? Surely there aren't any outsiders living here without my knowledge! Kira: Well, I didn't really care for all that "bowing to authority" garbage the Watcher's Council was feeding me. I need people to be much more flexible, so I ran the Watcher they sent me up a flagpole by his belt loop. Gerry is acting in that capacity right now. Cirrans: Gerry? Gerry: Yeah, I'm a Watcher now. Yep. Wesley: Three for three. Watcher's Council, eat your heart out. Cordelia: Excuse me! I hate to break up the excitement over your great discovery, but are we going to eat any time soon? I'm going to die of starvation! Spike: Yeah, where's the eats!? Drusilla: If I don't eat soon, I may faint. Kira: Oh no, you don't! Not in my territory! She lifts her stake. Spike: Hey, you misunderstand! Vampires *can* eat humans' food, it just doesn't nourish us. We have some blood stashed under the car seats for nourishment. Kira: You're still vampires. I'm not supposed to let you live. Buffy: Come on, give the man a break! He has a computer chip in his head that keeps him from hurting anyone. And he'll keep Drusilla under control. *Right*? Spike: Right. He flashes Buffy a fond smile. Dru frowns. Kira: Well, all right. But just for Thanksgiving. After that, you better be out of here. Faith: Yeah, uh, same here. ******************** Following a hearty round of congratulations for Kira and Gerry, and an equally enthusastic game of CD frisbee, everyone is seated around the dining room table, except for Spike and Dru. Spike initially tried to sit next to Buffy, but got pushed out by Angel on one side and Joyce on the other. Eventually, he and Dru ended up at a little card table set up next to the dining room window. Drusilla: We have our own window table. Isn't this romantic, sweetie? Spike: Yes, dear. The turkey, basted and roasted to tender perfection, is brought out first, then the slightly burned sweet potato casserole. (The wallet crisis, remember?) This is followed by the guests' various offerings. The roaring fire GC lit in the darkened living room's fireplace is clearly visible from the dining room as everyone chats animatedly, all ill will forgotten. Erin: All right, everyone. Time to tell us what you're thankful for. Goddess, why don't you go first? GC: I'm thankful that this party hasn't been completely boring. However, her unconsciously fond glance around the table at her subjects betrays what she's really thankful for. A warm and fuzzy feeling wells up in the hearts of the Cirran guests. Drusilla: I'm thankful for Miss Edith, flowers, Type 0 blood, and my Spike. Spike, what are you thankful for? Spike tears his eyes away from Buffy. Spike: Huh? Oh yes, I'm thankful for my dark goddess Dru, of course. And Type 0 blood is fantastic stuff, too. One by one, everyone recites what they're thankful for. Eyes start tearing up. GC: If anyone starts singing, I will slaughter every last one of you. Cirrans and vampires beam. Buffy guests push chairs away from table a bit, in case they have to make a run for it. At last, it's time to eat. Cordelia: WHAT is this runny stuff with the tannish chunks floating in it??? RKT: Miso soup. The chunks are tofu. Good stuff! Cordelia: Could this possibly get any more gross? RKT: Hey, don't knock it before you've tried it. Go on, eat a little. Cordelia: I'll pass. RKT: No, really. Just one spoonful. Cordelia gingerly puts a spoonful in her mouth. Slowly, a grin spreads across her face. Cordelia: You know, this isn't all that bad. Try it, everyone! Everyone eats a spoonful just as gingerly, then grins just as wide spread across their faces. Food vanishes from plates, and even GC is soon talking excitedly. ******************** Outside, in the cold air and the swirling autumn leaves, people drive past, staring jealously at the cozy scene inside. Another Thanksgiving has fallen (relatively) peacefully on New Cirra. In this land, at least, there is much to be thankful for. ******************** Erin Hunt Your Friendly Neighborhood Psycho-blood-goddess-of-vengeance Worshipper Keeper of Callisto's Cool Spinning Club Move "I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it." %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% "Sleepaway Camp" Video Archive http://www.sleepawaycamp.f2s.com ============================================================================== Web site copyright (c) 2001 Kevin C. Wong, All Rights Reserved. "Xena: Warrior Princess" and some material copyright MCA/Universal. Materials copyright their respective authors. Send questions and comments to me, Kevin C. Wong (jahn@csua.berkeley.edu) This page last updated: May 4, 2001.