From: Erin Hunt Date: Sun Aug 19, 2001 08:04:07 US/Pacific To: Hudson Leick Mailing List Subject: [hudsonleick] Even Vampires Get the Blues Reply-To: hudsonleick@yahoogroups.com I know it's nowhere near Halloween, but I was watching an old Hammer Dracula movie and got an idea for a Halloween skit, and knew I'd never remember if I waited. So here it is. I'll try to remember to repost it around Halloween. If I forget to do this and you remember, please give me a kick in the rear. :-) ************************************ Erin stands wearily in front of her punching bag, contemplating the possibility of actually hitting it or kicking it or something. Finally, she moves in for a back kick. She grunts as she sends the bag swinging wildly backward. She braces herself for another kick on the backswing, only to involuntarily freeze as her novelty doorbell sends the Goddess's battle cry winging though the house. Three seconds later... Erin picks herself off the floor, rubbing her backside, and stumbles toward the door, mumbling something about railroad crossings. On her doorstep, dramatically backlit by nothing in particular, stands a statesque man in evening attire and a cloak. The sounds of shouting and clanging spill in from somewhere down the street. The man tilts his head in that direction. Man: Ahhh, the children of the night. What music they make. Erin closes the door. Erin: Door to door salesmen get more gimmicky every day. Have people no shame anymore? She refocuses her attention on the punching bag. A couple of punches later... Man: Clearly, you don't understand who I am. Erin: Perhaps you can grace me with a reason why I should care? The man draws himself up to his full height. Erin notices that his backlighting is still mysteriously present. Man: I am Count Dracula. Erin: Really? You don't look anything like you did on "Buffy". Drac: I get that a lot. Erin: But you do bear a striking resemblance to Christopher Lee. Drac: I get that a lot too. Erin: Well, I know who you are now, and I'm kinda busy here, so... Drac: Aren't you going to cower in fear? Or at least ask me what I want? Erin: Look, I have a mace. Drac: Your puny chemical weapons will not stop me from doing as I will, mortal. Erin: Not Mace, *a* mace. And I'm friends with the Goddess, which is one lady you do not want to cross, Deadboy. Drac: I find your spirit appealing. Very well, I will tell you why I've come. I wish to give you the sacred gift of immortality. Erin: Why? Drac: Isn't it obvious? You are magnificent! You are a dark warrior maiden, who's lust for blood- Erin: Fathom that. Look, I've just had a stressful day at work, and I have to get in some kind of workout before I leave at 5 a.m. to kidnap a McGabbish princess. In other words, my impressively small amount of patience is even smaller at the moment. So as much as I appreciate the flowery romanticism of your pickup lines, you need to GET OUT before I BURN YOUR EYES OUT WITH A CROSS!!! Drac: I don't think you understand. I'll make you a wild and free creature of the night, like myself! Erin: I thought I already was one. I mean, that's why you're interested in me, right? Drac: Yes, but you'll have the power to spread your reign of terror across the land. Erin: Again, check. Drac: This is most irregular. Erin walks purposefully toward the mace hanging on a wall. Drac: I would have preferred not to do it this way, but... Look at me! Erin instinctively glances at him, and freezes as her eyes lock with his now reddened ones. Dracula walks slowly toward her, his hypnotising gaze never wavering. Erin, shaking from the effort of fighting his influence, moves her hand ever so slowly toward the mace. Drac: You know you cannot fight me. When you wake, you will be more powerful than you ever dreamed. He leans in toward her neck, baring his fangs. Her hand inches painfully toward the weapon. IS THIS THE END OF ERIN??? ************************************** Commercial break: Visit the brand spanking new Taco Bell on Grue Avenue! We're a friendly neighborhood business that believes in low, low prices! And best of all, all our food is guaranteed 100 percent ebola free! Because gosh darnit, we care! *********************************** Where were we? Oh yes... IS THIS THE END OF ERIN??? As it turns out, yes. Dracula's teeth sink into Erin's neck and her arm goes limp, just as her fingertips brush the handle of the mace. The pathos, huh? Stay tuned for Erin's slightly more industrious than normal reign of terror. -- Erin Hunt Your Friendly Neighborhood Psycho-blood-goddess-of-vengeance Worshipper Keeper of Callisto's Cool Spinning Club Move %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Sleepaway Camp Video Archive http://www.sleepawaycamp.f2s.com