From: Peyton01@aol.com
Date: Fri Jul 30, 1999  06:23:05  US/Pacific
To: hleickables@onelist.com
Cc: Pandora415@aol.com, socbard@hotmail.com
Subject: [hleickables] CRS Olympics 
Reply-To: hleickables@onelist.com

From: Peyton01@aol.com

TV tuned to a dead channel
Click
Click

Voice:  Hello Sports fans!  Welcome to around the clock coverage of the New 
Cirra Olympics brought to you by WCRS.  Here's your sportscasters, Hope McCoy 
and Roger Gibson. 

HM:  Good Morning, this is Hope McCoy-

RG:  And I'm Roger Gibson!

HM: (mutter) You certainly are. (brightens)  for WCRS.  The official sponsor 
for the second BI annual summer Olympics! 

 RG:  It's a flaming day here in New Cirra.  Why, it almost reminds me of a 
time many a year ago when the Destroyer of Nations paid a visit to the 
Original Cirra.  It was a windy day and I'm not quite sure how it got 
started.  If it was one of the men or-

GC:  <appears>  <flames, quite literally, RG>

HM:  Thank the gods!  Well, this is quite the sight to see! 

ON SCREEN:
The New Cirrian sun blazes hot overhead.  Vendors sell water for 10 dinars a 
shot.  The throng of NC citizens wait in agony over this intense heat. 

HM:  A unison gasp rustles through the crowd as the contestants make they're 
way through the Callistoplex arena.  It is quite the sight to see ladies and 
gentlemen.  Four teams are making there way down the platform.  It is quite 
the sight to see, ladies and gentlemen. 

HM:  The first team is Team Callisto, led by the Goddess herself.  She is 
followed by her faithful bard, Leicky, and her faithful priestess, Cal.  And 
High Priest Michael.  It is quite the sight to see, ladies and gentlemen.  
<gasp>  Look!  Behind Cal. and of course Tartan Terror. You can just make 
out...Yes...I think I see.  Yes, I'm sure now ladies and gentlemen!  It's 
generic scared NC citizens who are being forced to play on the Goddess' team! 

HM:  Team Hudson follows closely behind the generic NC citizens. Mike Ciani, 
and Randel, and Autumn Rat Girl, and Little Hudson accompany her. They are 
all dress in Indian garb.  Hudson looks absolutely amazing in that outfit, 
doesn't she, Roger?  Roger? <looks behind her where a charcoal form of RG is 
being reanimated bØ Trancer and two firemen>  Oh yeah <beams> 

Team Hudson is followed by Team Mystic, which is basically Mystic Lady 
Warrior in her Warrior getup with panthers running around her.  And Sarah 
behind the panthers.  Also in a Warrior getup.  She is followed by Kevin 
Wong, Dan Bergdan, Griller, and, because Autumn begged the Goddess like no 
tomorrow, Heresy. 

Behind Team Mystic is team Outlaws, led by Xena.  Who, for some odd reason 
(the Goddess declined comment)  is wearing a pink tutu over Soundtrack pants. 
 And a "I'm with Stupid"  shirt.  Only the  "with" part has been crossed out, 
so it only says "I'm Stupid."

RG:  yeesh, that's worse then any outfit basically bards EVER had to wear.  

HM:  <ear piercing scream, then composure>  oh, your back.

Gabrielle, Herc, Iolaus, Caesar and Xena is followed by Alti, who somehow got 
to keep her antlers.  

 Outlaws is followed by Team Look-a-Leicks, fronted by Liz Friedman.  She is 
followed by Cathy Rogers, Tracy Stone, Hannah, Shelly Hanson, Shayna Loring, 
Ms. Hunter, Celeste, Liz Friedman, Grace, and Deborah.  They are all wearing 
their various getups.  

HM:  But wait, folks, that's not all.  There seems to be two more 
Look-a-Leicks waiting.  We can't see from up here, but it looks like. 
Leick....

RG:  Wait!  I think I see something.  Yes yes.... This is certainly a sight 
to see, folks! It looks like a whole bunch of Hudson Leicks!

<the microphones are dropped and sounds of scuffaling (sp) and someone 
punching a bag of charcoal.  The microphones suddenly goes dead.> 

<45 minutes later>

HG:  Well, folks, this is certainly a sight to see.  The crowd is chanting 
Tiffany Tiffanny, Vaughn, Vaughn over and over again. It seems as if Tiffany 
and Vaughn are the characters of Blood Type and Chill Factor.  And they just 
won't come out. 

 RG:  Yes, this is certainly a sight to see ladies and gentlemen. 

HM:  <20 minutes later>  It looks as if the Goddess has become impatient.

RG:  Har Har, she certainly has Hope.  

HM: <muttering> the benefits Hope, think of the benefits. 

RG: This certainly is a sight to see.

HM:  It looks as if the ceremonies will continue with out Tiffany and Vaughn. 

RG:  That's right Hope.  We can only HOPE, get it Hope, HOPE!

HM:  Yes Roger.

RG:  We can only hope that they can make it out to the first event.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------

Callisto:  Well, Leicky, I sure hope this celebrity guest is good.  Though, I 
doubt ANYBODY can top Pat Sajack.

Leicky:  <private smile>  You'll see.

A lone figure walks to the podium.  

Voice:  Everyone, please give a warm New Cerrian Welcome to *war drum roll*  
SEAN HAYES!

RG:  Who?

Voice:  Known as Jack McFarland!

HM:  Who?

Voice:  The gay friend on "Will and Grace"

Everybody: Ohhhhhhhh

GC:  <wipes a tear from eye>  Leicky, you shouldn't had.

LY:  I know.

Little did the Goddess know that it took 7 international online meetings, 5 
luncheons, two indigenous tacos and a day at Disneyland Leicky wish she could 
forget to get the small gay guy on "Will and Grace" to come host the 
olympics. 

Gay Guy:  Ladies and Gentlemen of Cirra, your Goddessness;  The Second bi 
yearly summer olympics has officially started.   Would you all please rise 
for the national Anthem! 

GG et al:  

Goddess Callisto
She's got an ego
Xena's Evil Nemesis
Never ever let her rest
As the dead can attest
When you find your throat is cut
She's the one who made the rut
She's the God-dess
Goddess Callisto!

With that, the Cirra equivalent to the lighting of the Olympic tourch 
commenced.  It's a national secret, but it involved Fred "Gopher" Grandy and 
the last three paragraphs to Shirley Jackson's "The Lottery."

HM: The waving banners and the paper confetti is certainly a sight to see 
Ladies and Gentlemen.  We hope you all enjoyed are broadcast of the Cirrean 
Bi Annual Summer Olympics Opening Ceremonies.  Tune in Tomorow for our first 
event, Minature Golf!

News Coverage of the Olympics brought to you by WCRS:You had better be 
watching us.  

==============================================================================

From: Peyton01@aol.com
Date: Tue Aug 03, 1999  07:44:15  US/Pacific
To: hleickables@onelist.com
Subject: [hleickables] <CRS> Olympics Mini Golf
Reply-To: hleickables@onelist.com

From: Peyton01@aol.com

RG:  OK Cirrian, today it the first event! I'm Hope McCoy, and here with me 
 is Roger Gibson. We here ready for the First event
 to begin, and what an 
 event it is. isn't is an interesting event Hope?

 HM:  (Blank stare) Umm..Yes a wonderful, exciting
 event!  <mutters something>

 RG: nothing like a real man's event to start off the
 Olympics aye Hope?

 HM:  Rodger that, Rodger!  <Hysterical laughter> Get
 it? Roger, Roger! <more 
 laughter>

 RG: Yes, ha ha, We do have some technical problems
 here folks..Goddess seems 
 to have forgotten tell us what the first event
 is..heh heh..

 HM:  OH Look, here our Celebrity Guest Referee Vicky
 Pratt just entered the 
 booth..Hi Vicky, Please tell me your hear to
 announce the first event..

 VP..Well no, I did hear it was a real action sport!,
 So I can only guess it 
 is well Hockey! WHOOHOOO! 

 RG: Boy that is right, You Canadians sure lover your
 Hockey games..But isn't 
 Hockey a winter sport?

 VP Not if you live in Canada. I love the fights!
 <grabs RG Pulls his shirt 
 over his head and pounds him a bit> Yeah, cold slick
 of the ice, the slap 
 shot!

 HM: <Flies head long across the booth>

 --------------------------------------------------------------

 Meanwhile on the other side of Cirria..

 LK: Come on Goddess, think up a first event! Vicky
 can't stall them all day..

 Cal: Oh yes she can, I have seen that woman in
 action, she can stall all day, 
 but I don't think Hope, and Roger will last all day!

<squeek>

 GC True, oh well..Ok, how about something exciting,
 thrilling, sometime to 
 keep all of Cirria on the edge of there seats! 

 LK Hockey?

<bump>

 CAL: You have been hanging with the Canadian too
 long! She is talking about 
 Football!
<Squeek...squeek...thump bump>

 Michael: I thought she was referring to bumpercars?

 LK We did that last year!
<squeek thump>

 Mic: Oh yeah..that head injury is still acting
 up..How about Ping Pong?

 GC <PING>

 Mic: Pong <falls unconious to the floor>

GC:  What's that noise?

LK:  Oh, Autumn's in the other room with Little Hudson and Little
Buffy.

GC: <goes to the other room where there is a minature tennis court with
two rats playing a rousing game with their mini tennis rackets and
little head bands> ...What the?

Aut:  Well, I suggested Golf, but when I tried to use Matt's GI Joe
infiltrator electronic jeep as a mini golf cart he said he didn't want
turds all over the apolstry or something.

 GC <blank stare> anyway, this has inspired me. The First event is the
greatest of all
 sports..it's <gets twinkle 
in her eye>

 (Now when we say the Goddess gets a twinkle in her
 eye, we mean, a glowing, 
 look at it too long your go blind twinkle..)

 GC ::Sigh:: Miniature... Golf!  ::sigh:: it is a
 true sport of warriors?

 LK, Cal, Mic:  <Blank Stare>

 --------------------------------------------------------------

 RG: OK Teams are arriving! And they look ready for
 battle!

 HM: Yes Team Goddess is here..Goddess is leading, of
 course, she waving her 
 arms in the air..there seems to be buildings growing
 out of the ground..tiny 
 little buildings..I don't know what this means.  

 RG: What the hell is the first event? Whoever can
 blow up the most buildings 
 wins the metals?

 GC: WHY DID I THINK OF THAT???? Oh well..Vicky Get
 down there!

 VP <opens the window, and jumps 200 feet
 somersaulting to the tarmac, landing 
 gracefully, throwing her arms in the air as the
 crowd gives her a standing 
 ovation> <BCG>

 GC: why can't my cirrians be that obedient..

 HM: Looks like Goddess wants to play Mini
 Golf..<chuckle>

 GC<ZAP>

 HM <charred cinder> I smell toast, why do I smell
 toast?

 RG: Well..<takes the mic away from HM> Looks like
 this is a serious mini Golf 
 match..Those Windmill blades look razor sharp.

 Trancer: More super glue, he is crumpling to pieces
 again! 

 RG: Now a few words from out special guest Sean
 Hayes! You know, the gay guy!

 SH: Let's the games begin! <waving arms in the air
 over his head>

 RG: As our special guest referee take position, our
 teams choose a team mate 
 to play..
 -----------------------------------------------
 Team Goddess

 Cal: you do it Leicky! I'm not going out there! I
 haven't played Mini Golf 
 since the club was bigger then I was..

 Mic: Aww I bet you were a cute little thing <wink,
 wink> 

 Cal<SMACK>

 LK: Well I guess Mic can't play since he is
 unconious! nice work Cal..How 
 about you Tartan?

 TT: I can't play I'm roasting under this Judge Robe!

 VP: So am I <strolling by> I think this is just
 gonna have to come 
 off..<pulls off her T-shirt, revealing a bikini top>
 Ahh better..Is he OK?

 LK Cal: Who? <looks down to see a uncouious Tartan>
 My god he fainted! <laugh>

 Cal: Well since Leicky is a chicken I guess I will
 play..

 GC as team captain I choose..Leicky your a chicken
 Cal, you play

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Team Hudson
 MC: Nope I'm going to doing it..NO Way!

 HL: I'm not doing it..too many bangles for it..Rat
 Girl your up!

 Ran: Why didn't you ask me?

 HL: because the moon is against you today, and it is
 bad Karma if you play

 Ran: Oh..well when the Goddess in involved there is
 always bad Karma..

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Team Mystic got there act together, and elected Lady
 Mystic unanimously.
 Lady Mystic probly for lack of knowledge was
 thrilled to play!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 Team Outlaw -fight insues..Looks like Gabrielle is
 going to play
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Team Look-a-Leick- is represented by Shelly Hanson,
 because she has a mean 
 slice
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
HM: The contestants take there mark at the first hole..Cal is up first for 
Team Goddess
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------
VP: OK folks, welcome to hole one..real easy straight away, oh just don't hit 
those bumpers on the sides..

LM: Why? All they do is knock your ball away from the hole..or sometime in 
the hole..

VP: aww your a sweetie aren't you..well this is Callisto Mini Golf..and they 
are really land mines..you bump them and.... Kaboom!  Here all the 
rules..everyone starts with 2 balls and a putter..if you loose your balls 
your out..like wise with the putter

Team Goddess Your up!

Cal: OK <put her ball on the groove> <swings the putter a bit to line it all 
up> He wiggles her tush with the club..

TT: maybe I could teach you how to handle a putter, I got lots of practice 
with these sorts of..

Cal: <Quickly back swings hitting Tartan..l she hit him well, we won't say 
where>

RG: OH My what an event! it hasn't even started and we already have a man 
down crying in pain! 

TT: <really squeaky> that isn't what I meant! I swear!

HM: A hush seems to have fallen over the crowd as she take her swing

RG: Yes, probly putting in there ear plug incase of an explosion..By the way 
this week the Cirrian Home Depot is offering ear plugs for 400 Dinars, the 
special rate is Olympic grade ear plugs..they block most major explosions 
that damage ears..of course they don't help with the Goddess

Cal: <Gently taps the ball and.......>

To be continued :-P

==============================================================================

Web site copyright (c) 2001 Kevin C. Wong, All Rights Reserved.
"Xena: Warrior Princess" and some material copyright MCA/Universal.
Materials copyright their respective authors.
Send questions and comments to me, Kevin C. Wong (jahn@csua.berkeley.edu)
This page last updated: July 3, 2001.