From: "Gerry" <gerry@rz-online.de>
Date: Mon Nov 30, 1998  08:51:34  US/Pacific
To: "Hudson Leick ML" <hudsonleick@onelist.com>
Subject: [hudsonleick] BACK IN TOWN!!!
Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com

From: "Gerry" <gerry@rz-online.de>

G: "MUHAHAHA! I'M BAAAAAACK!!!" <hopping through NC's streets>
GC: "STOP!" <stops Gerry with punch on his nose>
G: <rebounds> "OUCH!!!!" <holds his bleeding nose>
GC: "Tsk, tsk, Gerry. Look what you've done again!" <points at Gerry's
    blood on the street> "And who's gonna clean that up? Hm???"
G: <still holding his nose> "Norry, Gonness..."
Mistress appears.
MOC: "Praise the Goddess! - Gerry? Aren't you dead?"
GC: <rolls eyes> "He's back."
MOC: "I see! And he's playing his little 'funny pose & bloody nose'
    game again..."
G: "I am *not* playing!!!"
GC: <smack> "Shut up!"
MOC: "I have an idea! Now that Gerry's back we can continue our 'kill
    Joxer' game!"
GC: <delighted> "Yeah, that's gonna be fun!"
G: "No! Not AGAIN!!!"
GC: <breaking Gerry's rips with a fast kick> "Yes, *again* Tambourine!"
G: "It's <gasp> still <gasp> Taranis <gasp>..."
MOC: "No, it's *Joxer*... now RUN!"
G: <running and holding nose and rips> <Why do *I* always have to be
    Joxer?>
GC: "We're gonna give him a little lead... I'll count till ten, and
    then we'll chase him!" <eg>
MOC: "Ok! The winner is who gets him first!"
GC: <That'll be me...> <veg>
MOC: "But *no* teleporting, Goddess!!!"
GC: <D*mmit!> "Ok... one... two..." <starts to run> "TEN!!!"
MOC: "Ooooh!!!" <running, too>
G: <looking back> <They're coming closer! Think, Gerry... THINK!>
Gerry passes Wight's tomb.
G: <Yeah! Wight! He's gotta hide me!!> <jumps inside the tomb>

==============================================================================

From: wight@axl.be (Wight)
Date: Mon Nov 30, 1998  10:45:28  US/Pacific
To: hudsonleick@onelist.com
Subject: [hudsonleick] Re: BACK IN TOWN!!!
Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com

From: wight@axl.be (Wight)

On Mon, 30 Nov 1998 17:51:34 +0100, you wrote:

>G: <looking back> <They're coming closer! Think, Gerry... THINK!>
>Gerry passes Wight's tomb.
>G: <Yeah! Wight! He's gotta hide me!!> <jumps inside the tomb>
>From a distance:
>GC: <howl> <pant> <slobber>
>MOC: <howl> <pant> <slaver>
>
>*** Will Wight help Gerry? Will the Goddess play fair? And what's the
>prize for the winner, anyway? Stay tuned for part two - THE RUNNING 
>MAN! ***

Is this a cue for me to jump in ? If not, well, then just delete this
:)

..........


<Gerry runs through hallway filled with big nasty cowebs, finally
enters dark cold room, where a single candle illuminates a ghastly
scene>

<In a corner, a big black wolf, obviously dead because half its skin
is rotting, starts barking>

UW (undead wolf): Grrr, Grrrr <at Gerry>

<At a stone slab, Wight is dissecting what appears to be a male
corpse, somewhat reminiscent of the monster from Frankenstein. Wight's
back is turned towards Gerry>

W: <rips out heart> Oh come on, have a heart !!

W: <Starts giggling maniacly>. That one always cracks me up. Oh, shut
up stupid no good guard dog <throws heart at wolf, who eagerly accepts
it, starts chewing on it, and shuts up>

G: Wight, you gotta ...

W: <Wight throws human liver at Gerry, hitting him in the face> I SAID
SHUTUP STUPID GUARD DOG ..... Huh ? <Wight turns around, spots Gerry>

W: Ooops, my mistake. Hello Gerry, what are you doing here ? <Wight
suddenly remembers corpse behind him. Quickly covers it up> Errr, you
didn't see any of this, remember !

G: Wight, you have to help me. The Goddess and Mistress say I'm
Joxer!!

W: Well, now that you mention it, you do have something ...

G: Haha, very funny. Anyway, they want to kill me.

W: Aahh, I see.

G: You have to help me !!

W: Hold on a sec, let me get this straight.

G: ok.

W: The goddess and Mistress decide you are Joxer.

G: Right.

W: And they want to kill you.

G: Right.

W: And to prevent such an obviously nasty thing from happening to you,
you run into a tomb.

G: Right.

W: Where a totally psychotic, undead serial killer lives ..

G: Eeuuurrr, .... right ?

W: Who's main hobby is turning people inside out.

G: Well, ahem, I ... eeeuuuhh

W: Preferably while they are still alive ...

G: You see, I didn't, eeeuuuh

W: After which he rips out their hearts, eats them, and ressurect the
poor bastard to make him serve for eternity as a rotting corpse.

G: <not feeling so well> You know, I think I made a mistake. I'll be
leaving now. <runs out the Tomb faster then you'd imagine possible>

W: <innocently> Oh, you sure ? I hope it wasn't something I said.

<Wight turns back to corpse, mumbles something about interruptions to
the art and how people always expect his help but never pay for it>

..........

<g>

-Wight-

==============================================================================

From: "Gerry" <gerry@rz-online.de>
Date: Sat Dec 05, 1998  01:24:05  US/Pacific
To: "Hudson Leick ML" <hudsonleick@onelist.com>
Subject: [hudsonleick] Skit: The (still) Running Man
Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com

From: "Gerry" <gerry@rz-online.de>

GC: "Oh, Mistress... You brought quite an arsenal with ya..."
MOC: <smiles> "C'mon, Dan... hurry!"
Dan: <carrying Cal's magic tools> "<gasp> Wait, Mistress... <gasp> 
    This stuff is heavy..."
MOC: "Gimme the 12 feet whip..."
G: <It's time to disappear.>
Dan: <rummaging > "Wait a second..." <gives MOC a show crop>
MOC: "Huh???" <smack> "I said the *12 feet whip*, d*mmit!!!"
Dan: "Oops..." <rummaging>
GC: "HE'S GETTING AWAY!!!" <points at Gerry, who's running around
    the block>
MOC: <to Dan> "GO, GO, GO!!!" <starts to run>
GC: <running> "I'll take the other side!"
Dan: <crawling> "Not <gasp> so <gasp> fast... <gasp>"
Gerry reaches Cirran Logic.
G: <Oh no! I shouldn't be here!> <turns around>
GC: "Gotcha, Joxer!!!" <preparing fireball>
G: <Argh! Seems like I got no choice...> <runs inside the building>

*** To be continued ***

Gerry aka Taranis, administrator of Callisto's Playground
http://www.angelfire.com/me/callisto1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Iolaus: "I think what we need is a really big shoe."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

==============================================================================

From: "Jason Blevins" <jasonjwb@ix.netcom.com>
Date: Mon Dec 07, 1998  02:16:50  US/Pacific
To: <hudsonleick@onelist.com>
Subject: [hudsonleick] Re: CRS: The Running Man
Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com

From: "Jason Blevins" <jasonjwb@ix.netcom.com>

>From: "Gerry" <gerry@rz-online.de>
>
>GC: "HE'S GETTING AWAY!!!" <points at Gerry, who's running around
>    the block>
>MOC: <to Dan> "GO, GO, GO!!!" <starts to run>
>GC: <running> "I'll take the other side!"
>Dan: <crawling> "Not <gasp> so <gasp> fast... <gasp>"
>Gerry reaches Cirran Logic.
>G: <Oh no! I shouldn't be here!> <turns around>
>GC: "Gotcha, Joxer!!!" <preparing fireball>
>G: <Argh! Seems like I got no choice...> <runs inside the
>   building>

Huge steel doors with interlocking teeth slam behind Gerry.

GERRY: [panting]  Whew!  That was close!

Suddenly, the voice of Boris Karloff crackles from loudspeakers.

BORIS: [evilly]  Another visitor!  Stay a while!  Staaay forever!
       Ha ha ha ha!

GERRY: Uh oh.

Hidden doorways in the walls slide back to reveal several large
Frankenstein-like robots.

BORIS: [calmly]  Destroy him, my robots.

Warner Brothers cartoon music begins to blare from the loudspeakers
as the robots emerge.  Gerry flees down a hallway, where he bumps
into Jason.

JASON: Hey!  How did *you* get in here?

GERRY: [desperately]  You gotta help me!  Goddess and Mistress are
       after me!  They've got whips!

JASON: [nudging Gerry]  Wooo, kinky!

GERRY: It's not like that!  I'm in grave danger!

The sound of muffled explosions echoes down the hallway.

GERRY: [hysterically]  They're here!  You gotta hide me!

Jason and Gerry both panic and start running in circles and bumping
into each other.

JASON: [frantic]  Here!  The broom closet!  Hurry!

Gerry ducks into the broom closet just as the Goddess enters the
hallway with her entourage.

JASON: [whistling nervously]  Why, Goddess, what a pleasant
       surprise!

GODDESS: Where is he?

JASON: [gesturing toward closet with eyes]  Where's who?

MISTRESS: The Joxer look-alike!

GODDESS: We *saw* him run in here!

JASON: That's impossible!  [gesturing toward closet even more
       emphatically]  This is a secure facility!

GODDESS: [looking toward robot room]  You call *that* security?

MISTRESS: [suspiciously]  You seem to have a twitch.

JASON: Who me?  [making exaggerated gesture toward closet]  No.

MISTRESS: You should see a doctor about that.

GODDESS: Maybe he went this way!

The Goddess leads her entourage down the hallway.

GERRY: [peeking out of closet]  Are they gone?

JASON: For now.

GERRY: [running back the way he came]  Thanks, buddy!

JASON: Don't mention it.

Jason Blevins
jasonjwb@ix.netcom.com
http://pw2.netcom.com/~jasonjwb

==============================================================================

From: "Gerry" <gerry@rz-online.de>
Date: Wed Dec 09, 1998  01:19:51  US/Pacific
To: "Hudson Leick ML" <hudsonleick@onelist.com>
Subject: [hudsonleick] Skit: The Running Man, Part 3
Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com

From: "Gerry" <gerry@rz-online.de>

Gerry leaves Cirran Logic with a smile on his face and a warm feeling
in his heart.
G: <Oh, Jason. He's really a pal. Hm, he deserves a Christmas
    present...>
Walking around the corner, Gerry bumps into Gabrielle.
Gab: "HEY!!!"
G: "Sorry! Er... Gabrielle? What are *you* doing in New Cirra?"
Gab: "Shhhh! I'm on a secret mission! You didn't see me, ok?"
G: "But... yes."
Gabby sneaks away.
G: <Hm. Weird.>
At the next corner, Gerry bumps into Minya.
M: "WATCH YOUR STEP, PISSANT!!!" <cracks whip>
G: "OUCH! Sorry, ma'am!"
Minya trudges away.
G: <Wait - wasn't that Minya?!>
At the next corner...
G: <This time I'm prepared... hehe...> <pulls baseball bat out of his
    coat>
The Goddess appears.
GC: "HA!!!"
G: <with raised bat> "Err... uh..."
GC: <turns Gerry's bat into ashes> "Tsk, tsk, tsk... Are we getting
    *violent*...?"
G: "Well... errrr..."
Mistress grabs Gerry from behind.
MOC: "GOTCHA!!! VICTORY IS MIIIIINE!!!"
GC: "Not so fast, little lady!!! I'm the one who saw him *first*!"
MOC: "But I *grabbed* him first! So *I'm* the one who's gonna kill
    'em!!"
GC: "IN YOUR DREAMS!!!"
MOC: "Just *watch* me, baby!"
GC: <preparing fireball> "You really wanna discuss this further...?"
MOC: <turning pale> "Well... I just changed my mind... *you* kill him!"
    <handing Gerry over to the Goddess>

*** To be continued ***

Gerry aka Taranis, administrator of Callisto's Playground
http://www.angelfire.com/me/callisto1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Iolaus: "I think what we need is a really big shoe."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

==============================================================================

From: "Gerry" <gerry@rz-online.de>
Date: Sun Dec 13, 1998  03:26:32  US/Pacific
To: "Hudson Leick ML" <hudsonleick@onelist.com>
Subject: [hudsonleick] Skit: The Running Man, Part 4
Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com

From: "Gerry" <gerry@rz-online.de>

We remember - after GC and MOC chased Gerry through New Cirra, they
eventually captured him after he left Cirran Logic. MOC was fortunate
enough to catch him, but had to hand him over to the Goddess.

GC: <receiving Gerry> "Well, thanks a lot, my sweet!"
MOC: <pout>
G: "What... what's next?"
GC: "Oh, silly you! I'm gonna kill ya, of course!"
G: "But... that's just a *game*, isn't it? ISN'T IT?"
GC: <eg> <draws her sword>
G: <turning pale> "W-wait! I just left Tartarus, for crying out loud!"
GC: "Awww... poor fella..." <raises sword> "Well, I guess they're all
    missing you down there!"
G: <panics> "MISTRESS! DO SOMETHING!!!"
MOC: <mutters to herself> "That's *not fair*! *I'm* the one who caught 
    him..."
G: "...Mistress?!"
GC: "Say bye bye, Joxer!" <sword goes down>
G: "WAIT!!! I SAW GABRIELLE!!!"
GC: <sword stops two inches before Gerry's nose> "WHAT?!"
G: "A-and-and-and Minya!"
GC+MOC: <looking at each other>
G: "They're on a secret mission! I bet they're after your Christmas
    presents. See, I warned ya so..."
GC+MOC: "Shut up!" <smack>
GC: <to Mistress> "What is this irritating blonde doing in New Cirra?"
MOC: "Maybe she wants to join our local Joxer here..." <ruffles 
    Gerry's hair>
GC: <meg> "She definitely will... You search the east end! Take Wight
    with you! I'll hunt her *ss on the west end!" <disappears in a
    flash of light and heat, burning Gerry's clothes again>
MOC: <turning to Gerry with a sadistic grin> "Alright Joxer... now that
    she's gone, I finally get a chance to finish..."
G: <already running, leaving clouds of smoke behind him>
MOC: "HEY!!! D*mn it, there he goes again... Oh well, I might as well
    do as the Goddess said." <leaves for Wight's tomb>

*** To be continued ***

Gerry aka Taranis, administrator of Callisto's Playground
http://www.angelfire.com/me/callisto1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Iolaus: "I think what we need is a really big shoe."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

==============================================================================

From: "Gerry" <gerry@rz-online.de>
Date: Sat Dec 19, 1998  05:44:48  US/Pacific
To: "Hudson Leick ML" <hudsonleick@onelist.com>
Subject: [hudsonleick] Skit: Man on a Mission
Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com

From: "Gerry" <gerry@rz-online.de>

Gerry, still running from Goddess and Mistress, bumps into Gabrielle 
again.
Gab: "OUCH!!!"
G: "Scusi... GABRIELLE!!!"
Gab: "Yep, that's me."
G: "Gabrielle..." <anybody watching?> "Come a little closer..."
Gab: <raises her staff> "I'm not that kind of girl!!!"
G: "No, it's not what you think, d*mmit! We gotta be careful!" <pulls
    Gabby closer and whispers in her ear> "The Goddess is after you!"
Gab: "What? I thought she's after *you*!"
G: "But she's *always* after me! Now that she knows you're in town,
    she's gonna chase..."
Gab: "Wait a minute, how come she knows I'm here? You're the only
    one who knew!"
G: "Err... well... she's the Goddess, isn't she? She knows
    *everything*!"
Gab: "Oh, really! So she also knows what we're talking right now, and
    you don't have to grab me like this and stick your tongue into my
    ear, do ya?"
G: "Errrr..."
Minya: <from behind> "I wouldn't mind your tongue, buddy!"
G: <changing subject> "Wha-what are you doing here, anyway?"
Gab: "I told ya, we're on a mission."
M: "A *secret* mission."
G: "Oh." <They're definitely after the prezzies.>
Gab: "I've got an idea - why don't you help us?"
M: "*He*? What we need are *men*, not stickers!"
G: <blank stare>
Gab: "I know, but even *he* could be useful... Think of all the dirty
    work we gotta do!"
G: <blankest stare>
M: "You're right! After all, this guy's used to rummage in trash
    containers!"
Gab: "Ok, Gerry - you're in!"
Gabby and Minya grab Gerry's hands and drag him with them.

*** To be continued ***

Gerry aka Taranis, administrator of Callisto's Playground
http://www.angelfire.com/me/callisto1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sovereign: "Priestess Callisto... You must be my welcome home present!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

==============================================================================

From: "Gerry" <gerry@rz-online.de>
Date: Sun Dec 20, 1998  09:24:06  US/Pacific
To: "Hudson Leick ML" <hudsonleick@onelist.com>
Subject: [hudsonleick] Skit: Man on a Mission, Part 2
Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com

From: "Gerry" <gerry@rz-online.de>

While Gerry's being kidnapped by Gabby and Minya, Mistress and Wight
are searching the east end of New Cirra.
W: <imagining himself rummaging in Gabby's corpse> "Hehe... This is 
    gonna be fun..."
MOC: "We're gonna get the b*tch." <-I love that word!>
W: "But weren't you after Gerry?"
MOC: "Ah, yes. I'll get him later. For now, I'll just send him a nasty
    email!"
Meanwhile...
GC: "Gabrielle... come out, come out, wherever you are..."
Suddenly Jason Blevins pops out of a bush.
JB: "Hi, Godd..."
GC: <screaming and shooting fireball> "GOTCHA!!!"
JB: "AAAARRRGH!!!" <jumping around like a chicken, trying to extinguish
    the flames>
GC: "Oops... Sorry, I thought you were someone else..."
JB: <This d*mn Gerry!!! Oh, I'm gonna get him for this!>
GC: "But since you're here anyway, why don't you help me chase little
    Gabby?"
JB: <finally managed to extinguish the flames> "You mean Gabrielle?
    Xena's sidekick?"
GC: <psychotic scream, one more fireball away> "DON'T YOU EVER
    USE THIS X-NAME!!!"
JB: <going off like a rocket> "SOOORRRYYYyyyyy..."
Meanwhile Gabby and Minya 'persuaded' Gerry to hide them at his place.
G: <whining> "When the Goddess finds you here..." <shudders>
M: "She won't, now SHUT UP!"
Gab: <looking around> "What's this?"
G: "That's my computer. Don't..."
Gab: <pushing some buttons> "Hey, look at this!" <computer turns on>
G: "...touch that..."
M: "Oh, it says: Auntie Callisto's brought you some treats!"
G: "Err... this means, there's mail for me..." <reads Mistress' mail>
Mistress' Mail: "Hi Gerry! I jsut wnat to letyou knwo taht I didnt
    forgt you!!! Im gona gte your as sfor sure bayb!!!
    PS Jsut forthge record, I cal evreybdoy baby!!!
    Mistress of Cirra, KotC yadda yadda yadda"
M: "That sounds like trouble, buddy!"
G: <blank stare>

*** To be continued ***

Gerry aka Taranis, administrator of Callisto's Playground
http://www.angelfire.com/me/callisto1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sovereign: "Priestess Callisto... You must be my welcome home present!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

==============================================================================

From: "Gerry" <gerry@rz-online.de>
Date: Sun Dec 27, 1998  08:46:27  US/Pacific
To: "Hudson Leick ML" <hudsonleick@onelist.com>
Subject: [hudsonleick] Skit: Man on a Mission, Part 3
Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com

From: "Gerry" <gerry@rz-online.de>

Oh, I know you're just *dying* to learn how the story continues, aren't
you...?

Mistress and Wight are still searching the east end of New Cirra for
Gabby.
MOC: "The b*tch has to be hiding here somewhere... Wight, why
    dontcha have a look at the trash containers over there?"
W: <*trying* to look insulted> "The trash containers? Why, how do I
    look like, a f*cking garbage man?!"
MOC: "*You* said that."
W: <opens one of the containers, mumbling something of killers and
    responsibilities>
Bello pops out.
W: <startled> "WHAT..."
MOC: "What are you doing there, Bello?"
B: <shrug> "I just wanted to be in a skit."
W: <*trying* to grin>
MOC: "Oh well, since you're here anyway, why dontcha help us, huh?"
W: "We've got orders to eliminate this irritating blonde."
B: "WHAT, ARE YOU CRAZY?! SHE'LL FRY YOU AND HAVE YOU
    FOR BREAKFAST!!!"
MOC: <sigh> "Not *that* irritating blonde..."

Meanwhile at Gerry's place...
G: "Gabrielle, Minya... would you *please* leave now, before the
    Goddess..."
Suddenly the door bursts open and a dark haired warrior princess
appears.
Gab: "Ah, the reinforcements."
M: <g>
G: "This... this is getting weird..."
X: "No - no - yes - no - I tried that - yes both ways - no, I don't
    know - *no* again ... Are there any more questions?"
Gab+M+G: <blank stare>
X: "Alright, we gotta move now... when I can find you here, so can
    Callisto..."
Gabby and Minya follow Xena out of the room.
G: <Thank Goddess. Alone at last.>
X: <comes back and grabs Gerry's hand> "C'MON! I'm gonna save ya!"
G: "NONONOOOOO!"

*** To be continued ***

Gerry aka Taranis, administrator of Callisto's Playground
http://www.angelfire.com/me/callisto1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sovereign: "Priestess Callisto... You must be my welcome home present!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

==============================================================================

From: wight@axl.be (Wight)
Date: Mon Dec 28, 1998  01:29:10  US/Pacific
To: hudsonleick@onelist.com
Subject: [hudsonleick] Re: Skit: Man on a Mission, Part 3
Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com

From: wight@axl.be (Wight)

On Sun, 27 Dec 1998 18:31:54 EST, you wrote:

>From: mistressofcirra@juno.com (Jo Burke)
>
>OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  <jumps upa nd down enthusiastcially>  He called
>Goddess an irritating blonde!!!!!!!  <yells into teh air fr no reason
>really>  Goddess, he called you irritating!!!  he did!  He did!!!!!

W: Huh ??!! Wait a minute, I didn't .. I meant ...

<GC appears in a flash of fire, cutting off Wight's objections>

GC: Who called me an irritating blond !!! <GC seems rather angry>

W: No wait a seco...

MoC: <cutting Wight of again> ... Wight did. He said you were an
irritating blond. Bello is a witness.

B: Oh, actually .... <suddenly remembers Wight is an assassin, and
hence, a criminal> ... Err, I mean:  Yes oh might Goddess. He
certainly did !

W: What ??!! This is crazy, I didn't ...

<Ofcourse, poor Wight gets cut off again>

GC: After all the faith I had in you. I'm sooo disappointed. <a feral
grin appears on Goddess' face, then she raises her arms>

W: Noooo ....

<Wight disappears in a jet of flame. When the dust settles, there's
just a bunch of ashes left>

GC: There, now don't let me catch you saying that again. Good job
Mistress, Bello. <GC disappears>

W: <looking forward to yet another long ressurection process> Thanks a
lot !!

..........

-Wight-

==============================================================================

From: "Gerry" <gerry@rz-online.de>
Date: Sun Jan 10, 1999  01:45:25  US/Pacific
To: "Hudson Leick ML" <hudsonleick@onelist.com>
Subject: [hudsonleick] Skit: Man on a Mission, Part 4
Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com

From: "Gerry" <gerry@rz-online.de>

We remember... Wight, Mistress and Bello are searching the east end of
New Cirra for Gabrielle, while the Goddess and Jason Blevins are
terrifying... err, searching the west end. 

GC: "Come on, Jason! What's wrong?"
JB: <gasp> "I... I need a break, Goddess..." <peeking at MacDraco's>
GC: "Alright. Have a rest. We'll meet again in the forest."
    <disappears>
JB: "Yes sir, Goddess sir!" <Gee, am I hungry...>

Meanwhile, at the east end...
B: "What do we do with Gabrielle when we find her?"
W: <imagines rummaging in Gabby's corps again>
MOC: "What do you think, puppy? We're gonna hand her over to
    the Goddess, of course!"
B: <looking somewhat disappointed> "Oh."
MOC: "Hey, skelly! There's another trash container over there!"
W: <showing Mistress his best killer face> "Do I have to remind you of
    my profession again, Mistress?"
MOC: "Err... uh... never mind. I'm in a b*tchy mood right now."
B: <As always.>
MOC: "Did you say something, Bello?"
B: "Who, me?"
MOC: "Is there any other doggie here?"
B: <blank stare>

Gerry has been kidnapped (again) by Gabrielle, Minya and Xena...
G: "Let me go, please! I'm a seductive... err, I mean servile follower
    of the Goddess..."
X: "Oh, gimme a break! I just saved your little *ss, dumby!"
G: <You just put it in danger, princess.>
Gab: <whispering> "What about our mission, Xena?"
X: "Don't you worry, little lady! I've got *everything* under control."
Gab: "I love you, Xena."
X: "I love you, Gabrielle."
M+G: <blank stare>
M: "Now, do you have a plan or what?!"
X: "Yessss. Gabs, go to the forest and *hide* there. Minya, let's go!"
M: <g>
Gab: "Hey, why does *she* go with you? *I'm* your sidekick, ain't I?"
X: "Gabrielle... thanks to this wannabe-Joxer..." <stern look at Gerry>
    "...the Goddess knows you're here. Just do as I said! And take him 
    with you (before he can do more damage)!"
Gab: <grabs Gerry's hand> "Come on, sidie!"
They hurry to the forest. There, in the dark...
G: "Well... here we are... only the two of us..." <tries to put his arm
    around the bard>
Gab: "STOP IT!" <smacks Gerry with her staff> "I told ya, I'm not that 
    kind of girl!"
Suddenly there's a fiery earthquake...
GC: "HA!!! GOTCHA, BARD!!!" <discovers Gerry> "YOU?! I knew it -
    TRAITOR!!!" <fiery fingertips>
G: <panicking> "No! WAIT!!!"

*** To be continued ***

Gerry aka Taranis, administrator of Callisto's Playground
http://www.angelfire.com/me/callisto1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sovereign: "Priestess Callisto... You must be my welcome home present!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

==============================================================================

From: "Gerry" <gerry@rz-online.de>
Date: Sun Jan 17, 1999  05:53:17  US/Pacific
To: "Hudson Leick ML" <hudsonleick@onelist.com>
Subject: [hudsonleick] Skit: Man on a Mission, Part 5
Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com

From: "Gerry" <gerry@rz-online.de>

Alright... the Goddess finally catched Gabby and Gerry in the forest,
Xena and Minya are on the mission somewhere else, Mistress, Wight and
Bello are *still* searching the east end, and Jason Blevins is *still*
at MacDraco's...

JB: "Gimme another Big Meg, please."
Waiter: "Another one? But that's your thirteenth Big Meg..."
JB: "So what? You want me to starve right here?"
W: "I'm sorry, sir." <hurries>
JB: <I wonder why this place is called 'fast food restaurant'. My 80
    years old aunt could do it faster.>
W: <returns with Big Meg> "Here you are, sir."
JB: <That was about time!> "Oh, and bring me some of them Joxer
    MacNuggets!"
W: <shaking head> "Yes, sir."

In the meantime, at the east end...
B: "I think we should give it up. She's not here."
W: "I agree. Besides, there aren't any trash containers left..."
MOC: "Alright then. I'm starving. Let's go to MacDraco's."
B: "But that's at the other end of New Cirra!"
MOC: "You're right. Let's go to my place. I'll make us some
    sandwiches."
B: <Yum yum!>
W: <Whatever.>

In the forest...
GC: "You're history, Tusslebee!" <shooting fireball>
G: <running> "I-CAN-EX-PLAIN..." <fireball hits> "AAAARRRGH..."
    <Gerry's history>
Gab: <trying to sneak away>
GC: "Where are you going, bard?"
Gab: "Err... nowhere..."
GC: "Yes you are! You and me, we'll take a little walk to the temple!"
    <grabs Gabby and teleports to the temple>
Gab: <Didn't she say 'walk'?>

Meanwhile Xena and Minya are entering MacDraco's...
JB: <Big Meg went down the wrong way> "XE..." <cough> "...NA!" <cough>
X: "Yes?"
M: <whispering> "What are we doing here? Everybody can see us!"
X: "No sweat, dear! I know *exactly* what I'm doing!"
JB: <pointing at Xena> "XENA..." <cough> <face turns blue>
X: <to the waiter> "I wanna talk to the owner of this place!"
W: <startled> "Just... just a moment, please..." <runs>
M: "Draco? What do we need *him* for?"
JB: <cough> <gasp> <cough>
X: <g> "You'll see!"
JB: "Xeeee..." <gasp> "...naaa..." <cough>
X: <annoyed> "YES, D*MMIT!!!"
JB: <passing out>
M: "I think he's got a problem."
X: <lifting eyebrow>
W: <returns with Draco>
D: "Xena! Long time no see, huh?"
X: <g> "We gotta talk business, Draco!"

At Mistress' place...
MOC: "Why are you pulling faces, Bello? Is there something wrong
    with my sandwiches?!"
B: "Nonono!" <gulp> <stares at sandwiches> "Maybe it wasn't such a 
    bad idea to go to MacDraco's..."
MOC: "Oh yeah, I got it! My sandwiches aren't good enough for
    Mr. Gourmet... huh?!"
B: <I wouldn't call them 'sandwiches'.> "We can always eat them later!
    Right now I'd just *die* for a Big Meg!"
MOC: <offended> "What does Meg have that I don't?"
W: "A brothel...?"
B: <blank stare>
MOC: "You really wanna go *there*?"
B: "No, I want to go to *MacDraco's*!" <Sheesh!>
MOC: "Man, would you please make up your mind!"
B: <I'm gonna arrest her! I'm gonna arrest her!>

*** To be continued ***

Gerry aka Taranis, administrator of Callisto's Playground
http://www.angelfire.com/me/callisto1
Gerry's Xena Page: http://members.tripod.com/~Gerry_Tentler/xena_e.htm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sovereign: "Priestess Callisto... You must be my welcome home present!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

==============================================================================

From: "Gerry" <gerry@rz-online.de>
Date: Wed Jan 27, 1999  10:25:41  US/Pacific
To: "Hudson Leick ML" <hudsonleick@onelist.com>
Cc: "Missy" <mistressofcirra@juno.com>
Subject: [hudsonleick] Skit: Man on a Mission, Part 6
Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com

From: "Gerry" <gerry@rz-online.de>

Ok, you know the deal: Mistress, Wight and Bello are on their way to
MacDraco's, where Xena and Minya are talking with Draco. Meanwhile the
Goddess took Gabby to Cal's temple...

Gab: <scared> "A temple?"
GC: <eg> "Yes, my dear!" <looks out for Cal> "Cal? Come out, come out,
    wherever you are..."
The temple is dark and quiet.
GC: "...Mike? Heeeere Mickey, Mickey, Mickey, Mickey..."
The temple remains dark - and quiet.
Gab: "There's nobody here!"
GC: "I can see this for myself, bard! Tartarus, where are those high
    priests when you need them?!"
Suddenly there's a noise in the backyard. The Goddess teleports there
and surprises Lord Raptor, who's sneaking towards the kitchen.
GC: "Hey! Where are Cal and Mike?"
LR: <shrugs> "They'll be back."
GC: "That means they're gone?"
LR: "Yep."
GC: <blank stare>
LR: <with Ming Tien voice> "Hey, don't feel like a failure! I would
    have killed them no matter *what* they had done!"
GC: <puzzled> "Huh?!"
LR: <monotonic voice> "Don't resist... give yourself to the one and
    only power, which is I! The force of creation, which is I! The
    meaning of life and all things in and beyond this universe, which
    is I! The infinite..."
GC: <yawn> <shooting LR with a fireball out of the temple> "Oh c'mon,
    don't gimme this crap!"
Lord Raptor crashes as a smoldering substance at the feet of Wight and
Bello, who were just passing the temple.
W: "Oops..."
B: "That came from the temple!"
W: "Let's have a look!"
They enter and meet the Goddess and Gabrielle.
W: "Goddess... Gabrielle! There you are!" <rubbing hands as he images
    rummaging in her corps again>
GC: "Yeah, I caught her in the forest. Where's Mistress?"
B: "Err... well... Mistress..."
W: "Uh... errrr..."
GC: <preparing fireball>
W: <hurries> "Oh, oh, wait, err, Mistress dis... dis... disappeared!"
B: <frantic nodding>
GC: "WHAT?! IS EVERYBODY TRYING TO MAKE ME CRAZY?!!"
W+B: "NONONONO!!!"
B: "She just said something like 'aurevoir' or so... I think it was
    Spanish..."
W: "It was French! And she just left after you refused to eat the mixed
    pickles she offered us on the way to MacDraco's."
B: "Oh, now it's *my* fault!!!"
W+B: <bickering>
GC: <remembers Jason Blevins> "You two..." <smack> <smack> "...have an 
    eye on Gabrielle... I have to go somewhere. This guy who was
    supposed to meet me in the forest..." <disappears with a sadistic
    grin>

*** To be continued ***

Gerry aka Taranis, administrator of Callisto's Playground
http://www.angelfire.com/me/callisto1
Gerry's Xena Page: http://members.tripod.com/~Gerry_Tentler/xena_e.htm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sovereign: "Priestess Callisto... You must be my welcome home present!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

==============================================================================

From: "Gerry" <gerry@rz-online.de>
Date: Thu Feb 25, 1999  10:32:57  US/Pacific
To: "Hudson Leick ML" <hudsonleick@onelist.com>
Cc: "Missy" <mistressofcirra@juno.com>
Subject: [hudsonleick] Skit: Man on a Mission, Part 7
Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com

From: "Gerry" <gerry@rz-online.de>

So you thought I'd forget, didn't you? Well... <sadistic grin> I
*didn't*! Hehehe...
Ok, just to refresh your memory: Our most humble and beloved Goddess...

GC: "'s that me?"

Well, do you see any other Goddess around here?

GC: <making Gerry wish he'd be on another planet right now>

[After spending several weeks in the local hospital, Gerry returns
somewhat crumpled but still motivated]

Err... alright, where was I? Ah yes, the Goddess... she brought Gabby
to the temple where she met Wight and Bello. Mistress was lost in
action. The Goddess decided to have a 'talk' with Jason Blevins, who
was supposed to meet her in the forest but didn't show up (since he was
busy cramming himself with Big Megs at the local MacDraco's). Meanwhile
Xena and Minya showed up at MacDraco's and had a talk with the owner
(they're still on a mission). And that's where we fade in...

GC: <enters MacDraco's> "Heeere Blevy, Blevy, Blevy..."
JB: <still unconscious> "..."
GC: "HEY! Wake up, wacko!" <shaking Jason>
JB: "Ohhh... Ahhh..." <recognizes GC> "Oh, Goddess! I... I was
    just thinking: I gotta go to the forest, I mean, I *really* gotta
    go to the forest, because the most beautiful and understanding
    Goddess of Humanity told me so..."
GC: "Yeah, yeah, cut the crap, punk!"
JB: "But then XENA appeared and put the pinch on me!"
GC: "WHAT?! SHE'S HERE???"
JB: "Well, she was... I tried to get her for you, but the pinch 
    and all..."
GC: "So when she put the pinch on you, how come you're still
    alive? Hm?"
JB: "Err... She released me and then she must've knocked me out..."
GC: "What was it she wanted here anyway?"
JB: "Maybe she was hungry...?"
GC: <smack> "Silly! Oh, I'll get her... I just happen to have her 
    precious little Gabrielle..." <disappears with an impish smile>
JB: "Phew..."
GC: <returns> "Oh, I forgot!" <turns Jason into a squealing torch>
    "That's for not obeying my orders!" <disappears with a sadistic
    laughter>

Meanwhile, in the forest...
G: <slowly recovering from the Goddess' fiery blow> "Ahhh..."
Xena and Minya appear.
M: "Hey, buddy!" <hugging Gerry>
G: "Ohhh... no..." <gasp>
X: "I don't know if you Turtlesheeps pray to the gods, but now is a
    good time to start..." <mad look>
G: "What?! I didn't do nothing, princess!!!" <And it's Taranis.
    Sheesh.>
X: "I want you to listen very carefully, 'cause I'm not gonna ask you 
    again: *Where is Gabrielle*?"
G: "Ga... <gulp> Gabrielle? You mean, *the* Gabrielle...?"
X: <puts the pinch on Gerry>
G: "Ah-ah-ah-aaah, GABRIELLE! <duh!> Sh-she's gone..."
X: "I CAN SEE THIS FOR MYSELF, MINIBRAIN!"
G: "The G-goddess m-must have taken her somewhere..."
M: "Callisto?" <worried look> "She was here?"
G: "She was... she will... she can... she's a god..."
X: "He's losing his mind." <releases Gerry>
M: "Did you see where she took the irritating..."
X: <staring at Minya>
M: "Err, I mean the bard?"
G: <rubbing his neck> "Hey, am I Moses or what?!"
X: <to Minya> "Let's go."
M: "How are we gonna find her?"
X: "We'll follow their tracks."
M: <looking around> "I can't see no d*mn tracks here, baby!"
X: "Oh, I forgot. Callisto is a Goddess now. She probably teleported 
    her. We must think of something else."
G: <leaving> "Well, nice seein' ya, ladies!"
X: "You were the last one who saw her! You're gonna work with us!"
G: <Gee, I feared that.>

*** To be continued ***

Gerry aka Taranis, administrator of Callisto's Playground
http://members.xoom.com/taranis/callisto.htm
Gerry's Xena Page: http://members.xoom.com/xenaworld

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GC: "You just trust me... you're gonna love it!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

==============================================================================

From: Gerry <gerry@rz-online.de>
Date: Wed Mar 24, 1999  10:22:16  US/Pacific
To: Hudson Leick ML <hudsonleick@onelist.com>
Cc: Missy <mistressofcirra@juno.com>
Subject: [hudsonleick] Skit: Man on a Mission, Part 8
Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com

From: "Gerry" <gerry@rz-online.de>

Yep, it's time again... so sit down, lean back in your most comfortable
armchair, relax and let uncle Gerry tell ya a little story...

The story so far: Gabby has been kidnapped by the Goddess and is being
held prisoner in (formerly) Cal's temple, with Wight and Bello watching
over her. The Goddess is out for Xena, who "persuaded" Gerry to help her
and Minya to rescue Gabrielle. Draco is involved in Xena's mission,
too... and that's where we fade in:

Draco leaves MacDraco's and heads straight to Erin's apartment...
D: <knock, knock> "Open up, Erin! Got a job for ya."
E: <opens door, wearing nothing but her nightie> "Draco... <yawn>
    Do you know what <yawn> it is?!"
D: <g> "Nice outfit... c'mon!" <drags Erin out>
E: "Hey! Where are we going? I'm freezing, Goddess d*mmit!"
D: "We're on a mission." <stops> "But that doesn't mean I cannot
    warm you..."
E: <smack>
D: <disappointed> "Ouch."
E: "Mission? What mission?"
D: "Yeah, I guess that's what *everybody* wants to know..."
E: "Hey, you drag me out of my apartment in the middle of the night,
    you owe me an explanation!"
D: "Alright then. It all started a few months ago..."

[flashback]

Gerry is on his way to the Cirran christmas tree. He carries a big red
fire extinguisher and is humming "Holy Night". The christmas tree is
already covered with various presents from the loyal Cirrans to their
most beloved Goddess: Argo's horseshoes, Gabby's scrolls, several Xena's
Chakrams, Perdicas and Marcus hanging from the higher branches...
G: <It's time I pay tribute to the Goddess, too.> "Here's to you,
    my sparkling Goddess!" <puts fire extinguisher to the other
    presents> "The perfect tool to cool your fingertips."
GC: <appears from behind the tree> "A fire extinguisher?"
    <disappointed look> "Again...?"
G: "Err... this time it's got a *blue* ribbon..."
GC: "I don't want it!" <fire extinguisher flies into Nirvana>
    "Go get me something else!"
G: "Yes, Goddess. Your wish is my command." <leaves
    in a hurry>
GC: <yelling after Gerry> "And if I don't like it, you're
    HISTORY, Tripolis!!!"

On his way to the supermarket Gerry meets Leicky. She's wearing her
Amazon outfit and seems to feel slightly uncomfortable.
G: "Leicky! You gotta help me! The Goddess wants a present,
    and I can't think of a good one. If I'm not back soon, she's
    gonna roast me for sure!"
L: "A present? Let me think..." <sarcastic> "How about a fire
    extinguisher?"
G: <duh> "She's got dozens of them."
L: <Yeah, and all from you I guess.> "Can't think of something
    else right now. 'sides, my *ss is freezing. See ya!"
G: <doggie look> "Please...?"
L: "Aaaalright then. I tell ya what the Goddess really wants:
    Xena's panty!"
G: "You're kidding! How am I gonna get that?"
L: "Well..." <smile> "Guess that's your problem, isn't it?"
G: "Leicky, you gotta help me!! PLEASE!!!"
L: "Why don't you buy one at the supermarket?"
G: "A new one? The Goddess will know it's not Xena's!"
    <having an idea> "Hey - why don't you give me yours?"
L: <smack>
G: "That means no...?"
L: "My panties have..." <blush> "Well... have an 'L', and 'Xena'
    starts with an 'X'."
G: "Oh." <g>
L: <smack>
G: "Sorry." <imagining Gabby's panties with a 'G'> "Hehe..."
L: <Piglet.>

[back at present]

D: "Well, somebody had to steal Xena's panty. And there
    was only one man who could do the job."
E: "Autolycus..."
D: "Gerry had to convince him to steal the panty, so he probably
    told him that it was *impossible* to do it."
E: <g> "Not for the King of Thieves..."
D: "Well, Autolycus went on his quest for the holy panty... err, I
    mean for Xena's panty... and finally he found Xena and
    Gabrielle somewhere near Corinth. It was very easy to steal
    the panty while the Warrior Princess and the bard were
    having yet another bath together..."

[flashback]

A: "Hehe... an 'X' marks the spot... hehehe..."

[back at present]

D: "Well, Xena somehow got to know about the whole story
    (she knows everything) and is now trying to get her panty back."
E: "You mean she's here in New Cirra?"
D: "Shhh... yes, with Gabrielle and Minya. They're looking for
    Autolycus, but he hasn't shown up yet. But they're having an
    eye on Gerry."
E: "How come you know all this?"
D: "Xena told me. As I said, she knows *everything*."
E: "So you're working for *Xena*?!"
D: "Yes, and so are you!" <g>
E: "No, I'm definitely *not*!"
D: "Oh yes, you are. Let me show you something." <pulls a panty
    with an 'E' out of his coat>
E: <turning pale>
D: <eg> "I've got some more of them... so are you gonna help me
    or do I have to put them at the town hall's message board?"
E: "Alright, alright!" <Pissant.>

*** To be continued ***

Gerry aka Taranis, administrator of Callisto's Playground
http://www.taranis.de/callisto
Gerry's Xena Page: http://members.xoom.com/xenaworld

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GC: "You just trust me... you're gonna love it!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

==============================================================================

From: "Gerry" <gerry@taranis.de>
Date: Thu May 06, 1999  02:16:08  US/Pacific
To: "Hudson Leick ML" <hudsonleick@onelist.com>
Cc: "Missy" <mistressofcirra@juno.com>
Subject: [hudsonleick] Skit: Man on a Mission, Part 9
Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com

From: "Gerry" <gerry@taranis.de>

Hi!

It's been over a month now since I last posted a skit, and for those who
actually read them I'm *really* sorry... But I'm soooo busy, really!
BTW, I'm designing the Taranis site with Flash right now, it will be
updated soon. It's gonna be pretty cool, I promise! ;-)

Ok, now for the hard part... Wight and Bello are still watching over
Gabby, who's been kidnapped by the Goddess. Meanwhile Xena, Minya and
Gerry are on their mission for the holy... err, warrior panty that has
been stolen by Autolycus (to serve as a Christmas present for... guess
who?), and they're going to get help from Draco and Erin.
The Goddess returns to the temple, after she has roasted Jason Blevins
at MacDraco's...

Gab: "...And then the dark haired Warrior Princess joined the
    fight and finished the bad guys with mighty punches and blows
    and kicks, like only a certain Warrior Princess can do!"
W: <snore>
B: <snore>
Gab: "...Oh." <Hey, that's your chance, Gabrielle!>
Gabby sneaks to the door. She's watching the snoring guards
while she opens the door veeery carefully. Then she turns
around...
GC: "Where are we going, bard?" <g>
Gab: <startled> "Callisto!"
GC: <pushes Gabrielle back and shuts the door> "Oh, don't
    say you were just going for a walk, dear!"
Gab: "Well, I was... I have to pee."
GC: "Do you always go outside to pee?"
Gab: "Err... I'm a country girl."
Wight and Bello wake up...
B: <yawn> "Hey Wight... I had a strange dream..."
W: "...Huh?"
B: "I dreamt the Goddess was taking Gabrielle for a pee..."
W: "Strange... I had the same dream..."
GC: "I TOLD YOU TO WATCH THE B*TCH, NOT TO SLEEP!"
B: <turning pale> "B-b-but..."
W: <can't turn pale> "I'm undead. I *never* sleep."
Gab: "Yes you *did* sleep, skelly!"
GC: "SHUT UP, BARD!!"
Gab: <pout> "Xena will come and rescue me! She always does!"
GC: "Yeah, yeah, glory hallelujah!"

In the meantime, still in the forest, on their way to New Cirra...
X: "Think! Where would you hide Gabrielle, if you were
    Callisto?"
M: "I wouldn't hide her. I'd get rid of her as soon as..."
X: <stern look>
M: "Err... I mean, I'd probably hide her where nobody can find her."
G: <sarcastic> "No, really?"
X: "Shut up, bimbo! It's all your fault! Give me *one* good reason
    not to kill you!"
G: "Eh... it would be very unpleasant for me...?"
M: "Hey, look! There's a placard on that tree!"
X: <reads> "Hi Xena. I know you're hiding there somewhere.
    As you know, I've got your little pain in the *ss. Meet me at
    the temple. Best regards, Goddess."
M: "So she knows we're here. Somebody must've told her..."
The two women look at Gerry.
G: "Why is it *always* me, for crying out loud?!"
X: "Well, who was the one that told Autolycus to steal my panty
    in the first place, lamebrain?"
G: <Sheesh, she knows everything!> "Err... he didn't show up yet."
X: "Good for him."
G: <Bad for me.>
X: "Let's go!"

Later at night, at the temple...
X: <whispering> "Gerry, you go in there and look for Gabrielle!"
G: "Me? All alone?"
X: "You want me to cut your balls and feed them to you?"
G: "I... I mean, all alone is great 'cause it will be just me who's
    gonna be toasted, right?"
X+M: "Right!"
G: <gulp> "Right..."
Gerry sneaks to a nearby window. It's open. He enters the temple
and hides behind a curtain. Suddenly there's a well known voice...
GC: "Come out, come out... I know you're hiding there!"
G: <leaves his hiding place> "Hello, Goddess..."
GC: "Oh, look who's there... Therapy!"
G: "Seraphin? Please don't confuse me with that hollow fruit!"
GC: "Enough! Where's Xena?"
G: "Promise me not to burn me when I tell you..."
GC: <g> "Oh, I promise! I won't burn you!" <bigger grin>
G: "She and Minya are hiding outside."
GC: "Thought so." <shoots fireball at Gerry>
G: <burning> "AAARRGH! YOU PROMISED!!!"
GC: "Sorry! I *love* to break promises!"
The Goddess turns around and leaves the temple...

*** To be continued ***

Gerry aka Taranis, administrator of Callisto's Playground
http://www.taranis.de/callisto
Gerry's Xena Page: http://www.taranis.de/xenaworld

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't imitate - innovate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

==============================================================================

From: "Gerry" <gerry@taranis.de>
Date: Tue Jun 29, 1999  03:37:20  US/Pacific
To: "Hudson Leick ML" <hudsonleick@onelist.com>
Subject: [hudsonleick] Skit: Man on a Mission, Part 10
Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com

From: "Gerry" <gerry@taranis.de>

Salve!

Yes! It is true! Believe your eyes! The man is back on his mission for
the tenth time! Now for those of you who've forgotten past happenings...

Narrator: "In ancient times, when a land in turmoil cried out
    for a hero, a man like a thunderstorm made his memorable
    appearance - he was Tackletree, a mighty warrior..."
G: "That's TARANIS, god d*mnit!"
N: "Er... he was Taranis, a mighty... hey, wait a minute, that's
    ridiculous!"
G: "What?!"
N: "I mean, we all know that this guy's just a temporary Joxer!"
G: <blank stare>
N: "Alright, you're the writer. I suggest we concentrate on the
    essential part."
G: <sigh> "Whatever..."
N: "Ok... so that's what happened: The Goddess caught Gerry
    in Cal's temple, where he was looking for Gabrielle. Xena
    and Minya were hiding outside. Wight and Bello were
    watching over Gabrielle somewhere inside the temple, and
    Jason Blevins was last seen at MacDraco's, where he's been
    pinched by Xena and roasted by the Goddess. Meanwhile
    Draco and Erin were following a plan of Xena's, and that's
    where we fade in..."

E: <following Draco> "I don't understand why you don't tell
    me Xena's plan, Draco. Not enough you force me to help
    this warrior b*tch and make myself eligible for the harshest
    punishment by the Goddess, no, you don't even tell me
    what I'll be punished for!"
D: <g> "You'll see..."
The twosome reach Cirran Logic.
E: <shudder> "What are we doing here?"
D: "We're going inside!"
E: "But... we can't just go inside! What if Jason..."
D: "Don't worry, he's at my place, and he'll stay there for
    awhile..." <thinks of the BigMeg he gave Jason after
    the poor guy had been roasted... filled with sleeping pills...>
E: "But the watchdogs..."
D: "Do you see this?" <shows Erin a BigMeg>
E: "Yes..."
D: "Ok, you go first!"
E: <climbs over the closed gate>
D: <follows Erin>
E: <on the other side> "Where are the watchdogs?"
D: "See, that's why I took the BigMeg with me. They smell
    it from a mile away and won't bother us."
The twosome enter the facility.
E: "What exactly are we doing here?"
D: "We're looking for an implant... remember the one
    Jason and the Goddess put into Gerry's head?"
E: "The one that makes him writhe in pain when he says
    something good about Xena?"
D: "Exactly. Well, Xena said she needs a copy of that."
E: "What for?"
D: "She didn't tell me. It doesn't matter anyway."
E: "Draco, why are you helping her? You and her used to
    be enemies, don't you remember?"
D: "Well, she promised to talk with Eros and ask him to
    release me from that spell his d*mn son Bliss put on me...
    so I can be a great warlord again!"
E: "Oh. No more MacDraco's then..."

Meanwhile, in the temple...
G: <tries to extinguish the flames> "OH... OH... OH..."
W: "Look who's playing torch again..."
B: "Joxerine!"
G: <finally succeeds> "It's Taranis, doggie!"
B: "Careful, son! I could arrest you for that!"
W: <nods> "He could do that!"
G: "Where's Gabrielle?"
B: <looks down>
W: <looks down>
G: "WHAT?!"
W: "She... ran away. When the Goddess was dealing
    with you."
G: "Was nobody watching her?!"
B: "It was more fun to watch you being torched..." <g>
G: "Well, you won't grin when the Goddess gets to know
    this!"
B: <turning pale>
W: <can't turn pale>
G: "Anyway, I gotta find her, or Xena has my balls for
    breakfast!" <runs outside>
W: <looking at Bello>
B: <looking at Wight>
W+B: "WAIT!!!"

*** To be continued ***

Don't miss part 11, "The Quest for Gabrielle"!

Gerry aka Taranis, administrator of Callisto's Playground
http://www.taranis.de/callisto
Gerry's Xena Page: http://www.taranis.de/xenaworld
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Don't imitate - innovate.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

==============================================================================

From: "Gerry" <gerry@taranis.de>
Date: Thu Sep 02, 1999  03:11:49  US/Pacific
To: "Hudson Leick ML" <hudsonleick@onelist.com>
Cc: "Missy" <mistressofcirra@juno.com>
Subject: [hudsonleick] Skit: Man on a Mission, Part 11
Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com

From: "Gerry" <gerry@taranis.de>

<solemn background music>
Narrator: "The man is on his mission again... And this time
    it's gonna be REALLY hard coz the quest for Gabrielle
    is on its climax..."
<action theme from X:WP>
<a short haired Callisto is hurling the Chakram at Xena>
GC: "No more backflips for you!"
G: "Er... wait a minute, that's the wrong clip!"
N: "Oops."
<black screen>
<some background noise>
<"Back in five minutes" sign>
<action theme from X:WP>
N: "A man..."
<Gerry stumbles out of the temple>
N: "Well, sort of..."
G: <duh!>
N: "A *very* p*ssed warrior princess..."
Xena: "AYAYAYAYAYAYAYAIIIIIIIII!!!!"
N: "And a goddess..."
GC: <shooting fireballs at everybody>
N: "...playing havoc..."
GC: "I heard that!"
N: "Err... the final showdown!"
<GC and Xena facing each other, Gerry stumbling in
between, absorbing the Godess' fireballs and Xena's
sword slashes>
N: "An all new Xena - now on New Cirra Cable TV!"
<fighting - screaming - chaos>

The story so far:
This is part 11! Read parts 1 - 10, pighead!

Some time ago, somewhere in the Xenaverse...
In a little village three men and a young girl are facing
each other.
Autolycus: <mumbling> "I guess there's yet another one
    who wants that panty..."
Salmoneus: <to Hercules> "What is he talking about...?"
Hercules: "He's probably referring to the Warrior Princess
    Panty(tm),  right?"
A: "Right."
S: "Wait a minute, you are telling me that he stole Xena's
    panty?"
H: "Yes."
S: "And he's hiding it somewhere?"
A: "Er... not quite. I'm wearing it."
H: "Right now?!"
A: <blush>
S: "And these thugs that keep attacking us ever since we
    left Tetris(tm) are after this... uhm..."
H: "Yes."
S: "And the bounty hunters?"
H: <nods>
S: "Jabba and his men, too?"
H: <nods again>
S: "The imperial forces...?"
H: <grins> "Oh, that was fun!"
A: "Don't forget the monsters Hera sent to kill us."
H: "And the hurricane... the earthquake..."
A: "And Ares and Discord, attacking us all the time
    with their little armies..." <grins>
H: <snicker> "Yeah, that was fun too!"
A: <laughing>
H: <laughing>
S: "Gentlemen, may I remind you of our little problem..."
H: "Oh... yeah."
A: "Sorry."
Salmoneus, Hercules and Autolycus are looking at their
little problem - a resolute vampire slayer with a very
determined look on her face.
H: "Well - don't you want to tell us who you are before
    you kill us all with this... wooden peg?"
Buffy: "Ha, that's easy. I'm Buffy and I want that panty!"
A: "Now hold your horses little lady, I believe *everybody*
    wants it, so why should I give it to you?"
Bu: "Because your heart would have major problems to
    keep the beat with this peg sticking right through it?"
S: "She's got a point there..."
A: "But she's alone - a little girl! I'm not giving it to her!"
S: "She's armed."
A: <laughs> "A *peg*!"
Buffy nails Autolycus with four pegs to a muddy
wall in a second.
A: "On second thought... this panty might look better
    on her..."
H: "Definitely. But I'm sorry to disappoint you, young
    lady. This panty belongs to a well known Warrior
    Princess, and I'm gonna return it to her."
A: "Hey, you didn't tell me that!"
Bu: "Who cares? Now take it off, baby!"
A: "Am I wearing diapers?!"
H: <stands between Buffy and Auto> "Stop it, Buffy!"
Bu: "What's your problem, big boy?" <prepares to
    fight Hercules>
S: "Sorry to interrupt you guys, but I don't get it - what
    exactly do you want with Xena's *panty*?"
Everybody stares at Salmoneus.
S: <tries to grin> "That was... just a question..."
Bu: "Ok, I'm a girl, so what?! Who says girls have to hate
    panties???"
H: "Ahem... I just want to return it to its owner. You know,
    I'm the good guy!"
A: "Yeah, sure." <frees himself> "Listen up. I'm on my
    way to New Cirra. I will deliver that panty, like I
    promised - the King of Thieves is a man of honor!"
    <And I have to prove that I really stole it.> "But you
    guys can come with me and take it away from
    Gerry after I gave it to him."
H: <Sounds ok. If I'd take it away from Autolycus, he'd
    probably steal it back in no time - this Gerry shouldn't
    be much of a challenge.>
Bu: <Hey, I'm gonna meet Gerry! Cool!>
S: <What am I doing here?>

Present time, in New Cirra...
A very upset Goddess is teleporting around and
shooting fireballs at passing Cirrans.
GC: "WHERE IS SHE?! XEEENA!!! COME OUT, YOU
    LITTLE COWARD!!!"
Gerry sneaks outside the temple, followed by Wight and
Bello.
G: <whispering> "Gabrielle! Where are you?"
W: "As if she'd tell you!"
G: "Don't talk - search!"
W: <mumbling> "I'm an assassin, not a search and
    rescue team."
G: "Don't forget, it's *our* little butts we're rescuing here."
B: "That's true - if we don't find Gabby, the Goddess
    will fry us for breakfast."
G: "Yeah, and Xena will play pool with my balls if
    Gabrielle keeps missing."
They enter the forest.
W: "Let's split, guys."
They walk away in different directions. Gerry stumbles
over Willow who's been hiding in the shrubs.
Wil: "Ouch! Hey, you must be Joxer!"
G: "No, I'm NOT! I'm Gerry, also known as Taranis."
Wil: "Figures."
G: "Huh?"
Wil: "I mean, I'm glad that I found you! Buffy sends me,
    she's looking for you..."
G: "Buffy...?"
Wil: "Yes! Don't you watch TV?"
G: "Buffy is after ME?! I'm dead meat!" <runs away>
Wil: "No, wait! HEY!!"

Meanwhile Xena and Minya find Gabrielle in the
outskirts...
X: "Gabrielle! You alright?"
Gab: "I love you, Xena!"
X: "I love you, Gabrielle!"
They hug.
M: <And who loves me...?>
Gab: "Callisto's after you!"
X: "I know. I sent that moron Gerry into the temple."
Gab: "While Callisto was roasting him my guards
    watched it with growing pleasure, and I got a chance
    to run away."
X: "That was my plan. I knew this would happen."
Gab: "Oh, you're sooo clever! I love you, Xena!"
X: "I love you too, Gabrielle."
They hug.
M: <Oh, I'm melting away.> "Could we kick some *ss
    now or what?! I'm getting BORED!"
X: "Yes, now that Gabrielle's out of danger we're gonna
    teach this goddess some manners! Gabrielle, go to
    MacDraco's and hide there, he's an ally. Oh, and tell
    him to bring that implant he should steal from Cirran
    Logic to the temple, together with the girl."
Xena and Minya return and meet Callisto in front of the
temple.
<action theme from X:WP>
GC: "THERE YOU ARE!!!" <prepares fireball>
X: <draws sword> "AYAYAYAYAYAIIIII!!!"
Gerry, still running away from Willow, stumbles in
between Callisto and Xena, absorbing the Goddess'
fireballs and Xena's sword slashes.
G: "AAAAAAARRRGH!!!"
X: <That must've hurt.>
GC: "OUT OF MY WAY, TICKORY!!!"
G: <looking like a smoldering piece of coal> "Hef,
    Hobbeff..." <tries to walk>

Will Gerry survive this hell? Will Xena get her panty back? What does
Buffy want the panty for? And what the heck happened to Jason Blevins?
Stay tuned for the next part!

*** To be continued ***

Gerry aka Taranis, administrator of Callisto's Playground
http://www.taranis.de/callisto
Gerry's Xena Page: http://www.taranis.de/xenaworld
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
You know it's kind of hard
Just to get along today
Our subject isn't cool
But he fakes it anyway
He may not have a clue
And he may not have style
But everything he lacks
Well he makes up in denial

(Pretty Fly for a White Guy)
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

==============================================================================

From: "Gerry" <gerry@taranis.de>
Date: Thu Dec 16, 1999  02:33:11  US/Pacific
To: "Hudson Leick ML" <hudsonleick@onelist.com>
Subject: [hudsonleick] Skit: Man on a Mission, Part 12
Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com

From: "Gerry" <gerry@taranis.de>

For those of you just joining us... yes, there were some other parts
before this one. Time for a short summary: Gerry wants a christmas
present for the Goddess. (Gee, that was last year! Didn't think that
this story would take that long...) He asks Autolycus to steal Xena's
panty. Xena wants her panty back. The Goddess wants Xena. Buffy wants
Gerry.

[ fade in ]

At MacDraco's, Jason Blevins eventually recovers from Draco's sleeping
pills. The place is empty.
JB: "What the..." <discovers his aching head> "Ooohhh..."
Jason slowly gets on his feet and leaves MacDraco's. There's much
noise and screaming coming from the temple.
JB: <Sounds like the Goddess is having fun again. I
    shouldn't go there. But I really want to know what's
    going on over there. Hm. To go or not to go. Hmmm.>
A burning Cirran crashes into the trash container of MacDraco's.
JB: <On the other hand...>
Jason heads for the temple. Just as he turns around the corner, he
sees Hercules, Salmoneus, Autolycus and a young girl sneaking through
the outskirts.
JB: <Yuck!!> <hides behind some shrubs>
S: "What now?"
A: "I must find Gerry."
S: "You really want to give him that panty?"
A: "A promise is a promise."
S: <Why not sell it?> "Oh, well." <And then steal it and
    sell it again?> "That's... very noble." <And again and
    again?> <sigh>
H: "And I will return it to its owner!"
S: "Oh, that's noble, too." <Idiots.>
Bu: "You do that, big boy! If you're able to defeat me,
    that is."
S: <g>
H: "So, where is this Gerry?"
Bu: "Willow is already looking for him. She's a witch,
    she'll find him in no time."
A: "She doesn't look like a witch."
Bu: "You don't look like a thief."
A: "Well, YOU don't look like a vampire slayer!"
H: "Would you please stop it now?"
A+Bu: "WHAT?!"
Willow appears.
Wil: "I found him!"
H: "And? Where is he?"
Wil: "He ran away."
A: "Figures!"
Wil: "He's at the temple now."
A: "Let's go!"
They head for the temple.
JB: <behind the shrubs> <snooooore>

At the temple. Gabrielle just arrives with Draco. Hey, wait a
minute... it's not Gabrielle, it's Erin! She's dressed like the bard.
The Goddess is still fighting with Xena and Minya. Gerry lies
smoldering and unconscious near the temple stairs. The surrounding
buildings have turned into smoldering ashes. 'Gabrielle' joins the
fight.
GC: "Yeah, come on, blondie! MAKE ME SUFFER!" <shoots
    fireball>
E: <jumps away - fireball hits Gerry> "Ouch... sorry!"
X: <backflips to Draco> "Do you have the implant?"
D: "Yep." <gives Xena the implant>
GC: <having a closer look at 'Gabrielle'> "Hey, you're
    not that irritating blonde!!"
Now everything goes very fast. Xena hurls her chakram at the temple.
The wall explodes and buries the Goddess who's still surprised to see
Erin and thus can't move fast enough. (Hey, I know this sucks, but how
do you catch a goddess in the Xenaverse? <g>)
X: <looks at the implant> "Well, I think there's somebody
    who wants you very bad..." <smile>

[ break ]

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[ break ]

Autolycus, Hercules, Salmoneus, Buffy and Willow reach the temple.
A: "Looks like Gerry kicked the bucket."
G: <still smoking> "Not yet! Now where's the panty, king of
    false promises?"
A: "Hey, I got that panty! I am... wearing it."
H: "Yeah, two weeks now."
G: "...Keep it."
Bu: "*You* are Gerry?"
G: "Well, most of the time!"
Bu: "Gee."
X: <doing something with the Goddess' head> "Well
    Autolycus, I think you have something that belongs to me!"
A: "Er... Xena! So how are you today?"
Xena and Autolycus go 'talk'. He doesn't come back.
H: "So she finally got her panty back."
Bu: "Yeah, and even without your help."
H: <pout>
Bu: "Willow, let's go. I couldn't get the panty, and Gerry
    isn't half as Gerry as I thought."
G: <blank stare>
S: <to Hercules> "We should go too, before this Goddess
    wakes up."
G: <Good idea.>

Somewhere in the forest. Wight and Bello meet at a clearing.
W: "Did you find the bard?"
B: "No. But it's quiet in the city. Let's have a look."
They return to New Cirra. At the temple, they meet the Goddess, still
a little shaky.
W: "Goddess... you alright?"
GC: "Of course I am! This d*mned Xe..." <writhing in pain>
B: "What's wrong, Goddess?"
GC: "Oh, she's sooo bad..." <writhing in pain>
W: "What happened?"
GC: "Xena... she put something in my head... oh, this
    d*mned b*tch!" <writhing in pain>
B: "Uh-oh... reminds me of the implant that Jason put into
    Gerry's head..."

Buffy and Willow return to Sunnydale, without the panty and - without
Gerry. Autolycus looks for a new panty. The Goddess visits Cirran
Logic to get rid of the implant. Draco, after helping Xena by stealing
and changing the code of that implant, goes home to be a great evil
warlord again. Salmoneus goes to Athens, where he opens a lingerie
shop. Hercules goes to Iceland. Minya wants to stay with Gerry. Gerry
hides somewhere (a veeery secret place). Erin is there, too (the
Goddess is still upset). Wight returns to his tomb. Bello returns to
his cell. Err, I mean, to his police department. Jason Blevins, when
he eventually awakes again, returns to Cirran Logic, where the Goddess
awaits him impatiently. Xena and Gabrielle walk into the sunset.

[ fade out ]

THE END.

Gerry aka Taranis, administrator of Callisto's Playground
http://www.taranis.de/callisto
Gerry's Xena Page: http://www.taranis.de/xenaworld
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It's better to reign in hell, than to serve in heaven...
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Web site copyright (c) 2001 Kevin C. Wong, All Rights Reserved.
"Xena: Warrior Princess" and some material copyright MCA/Universal.
Materials copyright their respective authors.
Send questions and comments to me, Kevin C. Wong (jahn@csua.berkeley.edu)
This page last updated: May 4, 2001.