From: Callisto97@aol.com
Date: Wed Jul 07, 1999  08:26:24  US/Pacific
To: hleickables@onelist.com
Subject: [hleickables] OT Skit: Stephen Meeker's "Invasion" Part 1
Reply-To: hleickables@onelist.com

From: Callisto97@aol.com

Starting with Stephen Meeker's "Invasion" series, I'm going to start posting 
all the old CRS skits that I managed to save! All newbies..read and learn 
about the wonders of Oddity...all us oldtimers..laugh until you pee and 
remember the good old days. Let us bring them back again....

~Cal
High Priestess
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stephen: <dressed as Rod Serling, the Twilight Zone guy> You are in a land
of disbelief. A land of all-around weirdness. You are in... THE CIRRAN ZONE.

<Spooky montage of images: GC wearing a Green Bay Cheese Hat, a monkey
playing bagpipes, Hudson slapping the crap out of the Brady Bunch, Melissa
torturing a Barbie Doll with a lighter, Stephen in his Theodorus costume,
Omega Rugal getting flea-dipped, and Barbra Streisand with a chakram,
surrounded by flames>

Stephen: Welcome to Cirra, home of the Goddess Callisto, the Oddity Twins,
and miscellaneous assorted strange things. Today is a day stranger than
most, however. Today, Cirra will be visited by a few uninvited guests. But
what else would you expect in THE CIRRAN ZONE?

<cool wavy fade-out>

Hudson: What a beautiful day! I think I'll go eat my curried goat out by the
lake today.

Cindy Brady: Curried goat? That thoundth yucky!

HL: Ack! What in Tartarus are you doing here?

Cindy: It'th a dithtorthion in the thpace-time continuum! Ithn't it neato?

HL: No. No, it's not. There's a guy called an orthodontist. Check into it.
Better still, have you met Dr. Heresy yet?

Cindy: Jeeperth! You're awfully nithe, lady! You're almotht ath pretty ath
my thithter Marsha!

Jan Brady: Pretty as Marsha! It's always "Marsha this!" and "Marsha that!"!
Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!

Marsha Brady: You're just jealous! Now get out of my way! I have to go act
like a floosy in front of all the guys!

HL: Dear Goddess! This is ridiculous!

Jan, Cindy, and Marsha: <in unison> What's<th> ridiculous<th>?

HL: <screams> <slaps the crap out of the three Brady sisters>

<fade-out>

Liz Friedman: <talking on cell-phone> I don't care if Michael Hurst got
trampled by elephants! He's better get his butt down to set! Ted Raimi's
just itching to get his name in the opening credits of something!

James Bond: Hello, love. My name is Bond. James Bond.

Liz: Can I call you back? <hangs up> Since when did Pierce Brosnan hang out
in Cirra?

JB: Couldn't tell you. My watch's nuclear reactor core melted down, and it
just keeps blinking 12:00.

Liz: <blank stare>

JB: You wouldn't by any chance know of any international crime syndicates in
the area, would you?

Liz: I must be a magnet for IDIOTS! <brandishes .357 magnum> Just turn
around and go back to England, you martini-guzling moron!

JB: I like my martinis shaken, not stir-

Liz: <BLAM!> <grins> Stirred. I know. <sighs> Men.

<fade out>

Matt Peters: <channel surfing> Ick! The Weather Channel. What's the point?

Spock: To question the validity of the existance of an already existing
object is not logical.

MP: Aww, man! How did I get caught in another dopey CRS skit?

Spock: The logical assumption would be that the author of this piece of
literature enjoys the harassment of the sub-faction of this mailing list
known as Oddity Twins.

MP: Oh. You didn't bring Counselor Troi or Doctor Crusher with you by any
chance?

Spock: <arches an eyebrow>

MP: Dax? Kira? Seven of Nine? Captain Janeway? That Klingon chick with her
intestines on her forehead?

Spock: <nerve pinches Matt>

<fade out>

GC: Bard! Where's the TV Guide?

Cousin Itt: gurbleburblesnigglesniggle!

GC: <screams> If this is what that Rogaine stuff does, keep it away from me!

Morticia Addams: Cousin Itt! There you are! What's the matter?

Itt: <annoyed sounding gibbering>

MA: I'll tell Pugsley not to put you on the rack without permission. Come
along Thing.

GC: You have a pet severed hand? Cool!

MA: Thing is not a pet. He's part of the family!

GC: A severed part.

MA: I must ask: what is that terrible outfit you are wearing?

GC: Me? Terrible? I can move my legs in this, which is more than I can say
for you!

MA: Well, I never!

GC: Bet you've never done this before either! <lightning crackles>

MA: <smoldering> Actually, yes. Uncle Fester was standing in a puddle, and
my feet were wet, and...

GC: AHHH! <Fireball!>

Itt: <gibbering scream>
MA: <gibbering scream>

<fade-out>

Melissa Monson: How weird! The Goddess hasn't demanded any Dr. Pepper or
anything all afternoon. Wonder what's going on?

Sinbad: Who's the Goddess?

Doubar: By Allah, this must be a pagan village!

MM: Oh, crap. I saw this show once. It sucked! Didn't you people get canceled?

Sinbad: No! They spent the entire season's special effects budget on buying
me a new pair of leather pants so I can look more like Hercules, and then
they spent the entire writing staff's salary on hiring the new chick.

MM: What happened to that sorceress?

Doubar: She realized that making porno movies was more respectable than
being on this show.

MM: Did she take the bird?

Sinbad: No, the producers said she couldn't. They said something about
without the bird, there wouldn't be any likeable characters, or decent actors.

MM: That figures. Why are you in my house?

Ferouz: We were hoping that we could find that Callisto woman and annoy her
really bad.

MM: Why?

Ferouz: It's more dignified to get blasted than to fall on your own sword.

MM: Oh. Yell "son of a bacchae" real loud.

Sinbad, Ferouz, Doubar, the bird, and the guy who doesn't talk: Son of a
bacchae!

GC: Oh, Zeus! This is some kinda sick crossover joke, isn't it! <lightning
crackles>

Stephen: There you have it. Just a little something strange from THE CIRRAN
ZONE!

==============================================================================

From: Callisto97@aol.com
Date: Wed Jul 07, 1999  08:29:53  US/Pacific
To: hleickables@onelist.com
Subject: [hleickables] <CRS> Invasion2: When Cirrans Attack
Reply-To: hleickables@onelist.com

From: Callisto97@aol.com

And now for part 2 of Stephen's Invasion series....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stephen: <dressed as Rod Serling, the Twilight Zone guy> You are in a land
of disbelief. A land of all-around weirdness. You are in... THE CIRRAN ZONE.

<Spooky montage of images: GC wearing a Green Bay Cheese Hat, a monkey
playing bagpipes, Hudson slapping the crap out of the Brady Bunch, Melissa
torturing a Barbie Doll with a lighter, Stephen in his Theodorus costume,
Omega Rugal getting flea-dipped, and Barbra Streisand with a chakram,
surrounded by flames>

Stephen: Welcome to Cirra, home of the Goddess Callisto, the Oddity Twins,
and miscellaneous assorted strange things. Today is a day stranger than
most, however. Today, Cirra will be visited by a few uninvited guests. But
what else would you expect in THE CIRRAN ZONE?

Griller: Stupid digest! Won't work right...grumblegrumble...I'll take a walk
instead.

Gilligan: Skipper!

Skipper: Yeah, little buddy?

Gilligan: I blew up the professor's lab!

Skipper: What were you doing in there?

Gilligan: <mumble>

Griller: I'll forgo the obvious "why are you here?" and play along. What did
you say, Gilligan?

Gilligan: I was trying to make something that would kill those annoying
Howells and cast the blame on the Professor! They never shut up about all of
their money! "Lovey, pass me a million bucks so I can blow my nose!"
"Thurston, darling, I'm cold. Would you throw a few grand on the fire?"

Skipper: Why don't you just make them eat you cooking?

<Group laugh>

Griller: All right. Enough with the sitcoms. How did you people get into my
house?

MaryAnne: Gee, I don't know. You're cute, though!

Griller: Scram, babe. You're a MaryAnne kind of girl. I need a Ginger.

Ginger: You rang?

Griller: Come to daddy! <huge grin>

<FADE OUT>

Pandora: <finishes typing with a sigh of relief> Ahhh! The new issue of the
Heckler is done!

Regis Philbin: Hello everybody! Hi, Kathie!

Kathie Lee Gifford: Hi Reeg!

RP: Did you see this in today's newspaper?

KLG: No, I was too busy playing with my adorable little boy, Cody!

RP: It says here that people have TWO kidneys! Isn't that fabulous!

KLG: Are you on crack, Reeg?

Pandora: <groan> Why do I get Kathie Lee? Liz got Pierce Brosnan! Matt got
Spock! I get talk show hosts! 

RP: Kathie, today on the show, we have Pandora!
KLG: How interesting. I'm much better than she is, of course!

Pandora: Uh, huh. 'Kathie Lee Gifford comes to Cirra to recruit new
sweat-shop labor' will look real good in the Heckler.

KLG: PLEASE! Not that! Why won't you people leave me alone? I enslaved some
children and made them work 22 hours a day for three cents an hour, and now
I'm the bad guy?

P: That's the concept.

KLG: <storms out door>

RP: Wait, come back! They only keep us on the air because of our "unique
chemistry"!

KLG: Stuff it, old guy! <flips Regis the bird>

RP: <suffers major heart attack>

Pandora: 'Kathie Lee murders Regis in cold blood' will look good right next
to the sweat shop piece, I think. <begins typing again>

<FADE OUT>

Stephen: Only ten minutes until a new Buffy! Thrill! <does the Gabby dance>

Ephiny: Great. Now you've killed this year's crop.

S: Ephiny?

E: How do you know who I am?

S: I watch Xen... I mean the Destroyer of Nations' show. I know the Acting
Queen of the Amazons when I see her. Can I have your autograph?

E: No. <pummells Stephen with chobos, those little beating-stick thingers
from "Hooves and Harlots">

<Note: It took Trancer and her firemen 2 hours to revive Stephen. It only
took 45 minutes for the actual resuscitation part, but Ephiny wouldn't let
anyone near him to help for the rest of the time>

<Fade out>

Stephen: <bandaged, but dressed as Rod Serling again> Submitted for your
approval in THE CIRRAN ZONE!

==============================================================================

Web site copyright (c) 2001 Kevin C. Wong, All Rights Reserved.
"Xena: Warrior Princess" and some material copyright MCA/Universal.
Materials copyright their respective authors.
Send questions and comments to me, Kevin C. Wong (jahn@csua.berkeley.edu)
This page last updated: June 11, 2001.