From: Callisto97@aol.com Date: Fri Dec 18, 1998 01:41:32 US/Pacific To: hudsonleick@onelist.com Cc: hleickables@onelist.com, Pandora415@aol.com, odditytwin2@hotmail.com Subject: [hudsonleick] [CRS] Oregon Trailfest '98!!! Part 1.... Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com From: Callisto97@aol.com GC: Hi Priestess! CL: Hello Goddess! To what do I owe this pleasure? GC: It's my Temple. I live here. CL: oh yeah... GC: You know Priestess..Cirra has been so boring lately, we need something to liven it up. CL: Well, Goddess, the Cirran Olympics should be rolling around again in another three years or so.... GC: I don't want to wait that long! What's this? CL: It's a game Goddess, Oregon Trail. You have to take your party in a wagon and manage to survive from the Midwest to either California or Oregon using only what you can shoot along the way or bring with you. GC: Perfect! Where's the census list Priestess..we'll divide New Cirra up into teams and whoever makes it to the end of the game wins! ***The next day, by order of the Goddess and the combined efforts of the Cirran Army, the Police Force, and the Heavy Metal Punk Rock Band, all of New Cirra assembles on it's collective knees in the Temple to hear the word of the Goddess pronounced by the High Priestess.*** GC: Go on Priestess! Tell them! CL: *ahem* The Great Goddess has spoken, and she says that she is bored. Therefore, all faithful servants of her Holiness are ordered to participate in Oregon Trailfest '98. Sit down, you're not getting out of it. **A collective groan escapes the Cirrans as they trudge back to their kneeling places.** CL: This is the census scroll kept so nicely in order by Kevin Wong. Do not kill him for it, he was trying to be nice. This scroll contains all the members of New Cirra, active and inactive. If an inactive member is on your team, he or she will be represented by a Spice Girl Barbie. Once your name has been called, please proceed to the table to the left of the altar and High Priest Michael will issue your official team uniform, Spice Girl replacements, and a CD-ROM copy of the game, and a list of the starting conditions such as year of departure, take-off point, etc. Rules are... well, Goddess didn't give any rules, so I'll make them up right now. The first Team to report having reached Oregon City wins. If your team dies, you are out. In the case of a tie, first place will be awarded either by the Ouija Board or John Tesh. Any questions? **Crickets chirp as Cal looks out across the sea of blank stares from New Cirra** CL: Ok then! The first name to be called will be the Team Leader, not that that means much except in the case of Goddess and Hudson, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. On Team Callisto we have...big surprise...Goddess Callisto, High Priestess Cal, the Missing In Action Mayor Melissa, Likewise Missing Matt the Mallboy, and, you guessed it folks!, the Missing GeekGrrl! Uniforms for Team Callisto are..... **Trancer and her firemen were called into action when a drooling High Priest tripped on the altar, inadvertently throwing the leather clad Spice Girl Replacements at Goddess. Her wrath was swift and painful.** CL: Moving on, we have Team Hudson! The captain is obviously Miss Hudson Leick and her team includes her Bard, Leicky, the Missing Sherry, publisher of the Scandal Sheet and the Heckler, Wesser of the Science Facility and Hudson's Website, and Autumn, Keeper of the Rats. Uniforms for Team Hudson are Indian sari's and those neat little forehead dots in a variety of fashionable colors. **The assistance of Trancer and her firemen was once again needed as Wesser fainted from the Haze when Hudson reached to adjust his sari. As he was unconscious during the vote, he was elected to hold and dress the Sherry/Spice Girl Barbie** CL: Next is Team Outlaws! Team captain is Gerry, the obvious choice since he is currently on the run from Goddess. Gerry, your teammates will be Brant, for his bloodline as one of the Xena/Gabby descendents, Wight because he's...well...Wight, the Missing Twin Pandora for her highly suspect allegiance to Velaska, and the also missing General of the Mercenary Legion Jake Atkins, and he's there just because we needed someone to fill that spot. Uniforms for Team Outlaws are bright orange prison jumpsuits and the accompanying leg and wrist cuffs. GERRY: How am I supposed to run from Goddess and Mistress? CL: Not my problem, Tarawa. Oh, and penalty for not playing in the Fest is a compulsory appointment for a root canal at Heresy's surgery. **Team Outlaw shuffles off to their corner of the Temple with Gerry shouting "It's Taranis!!" to plan their strategy and the roll call goes on....** CL: Ok! Now we've got ....no brainer here...Trancer as the captain of Team Medical!! Elliott and Tower, you two have been assigned as firemen, Gene the Cirran Therapist and Gary the Psycho rounds out your team. EL: A psycho on the Medical Team? CL: Goddess and I didn't think it would be prudent to interrupt Gary's sessions with Gene. He can be very...volatile. You'll be getting two Spice Girls to take their places. Uniforms for team Medical are plastic flip-flops, disco pants with flashing electric Solstice lights, and wide lapel shirts and gold chains, all equipped with asbestos fire protection. You guys will also be doing double duty if anyone gets hurt. CL: Moving on then, we have team Politicians and Other Rogues. Autolycus, you'll be the point man, as always, since you fit both categories being both the Prince of Thieves and a charming lawbreaker. Rounding out the Rogues category will be Tevin Adualtin and Heresy, the Dentist. Mich, the Pinstripe Warlord and New Cirran Banker, along with Jason Blevins of Cirran Logic will complete the team as politicians. Uniforms for this team will be poorly-fitted imitation Armani suits, except in Auto's case, as he has already managed to break into the Kindling Gate Mall and steal a real one. Now... JB: Wait just a minute! I'm going to file a libel suit against this Temple with my lawyer! I am not a politician, nor am I a thief and I am greatly offen.... **After Trancer and her crew finished the clean up 45 minutes later, all of New Cirra swore they had never even seen Goddess coming with that Zamboni....** CL: Unfortunately, Jason will require a stint in the Hospital, but thanks to Wight and his strange ways with demons and things unseen, we have channelled Jason's consciousness into this Baby Spice Doll for Team Politicians and other Rogues. **Team PaoR moves off to their corner tugging at their ill-fitted collars and voting on who would get to hold the cross and garlic, along with the Jason/Baby Spice Doll. The job eventually fell to Heresy's assistant, Iggy.** CL: Alright people!! Settle down unless you want Goddess back with a John Deere, this time! **Crickets chirped in the Temple once more** CL: Griller!! You're the captain of Team Basically Bards! You're also the only team that doesn't get a Spice Girl replacement since Jason's little..um..accident! Your teammates are Mistress, Amanda and Jenn Hocker and the illustrious Darth Skeye! Your uniforms will be replicas of Theodorus' armor in memory of the great Cirran bard, Stephen Meeker. GC: CL: And Goddess commands that you dance the Holy Psalm of Macarena every hour in tribute. DS: I spend years training to use the Dark Side of the Force.... MOC, AH, JH: Well, why don't you use your Force and get us a different uniform! GR: You know, the chafing of this leather underwear makes me feel strangely..manly! CL: *ahem* That's great Griller, really. Moving on...Team Cheerios!! Uniforms for this team were specially chosen by Erin Gdog...I mean Hunt!...who wanted to showcase her collection of leotards from the United States Gymnastics Team. The athletic persons chosen to be on Erin's team are Dawn, Brian Sullivan..Brian, Erin has requested you be assigned Kerri Strugg's leotard...the Lost Twin Galloway, and The Mad Catter. TMC, we put you on this team because we knew you wouldn't care. TMC: Whatever. EH: I vote TMC gets to carry the Galloway/Ginger Spice Barbie! DAWN: In that case, can we give him Dominique Moceanu's leotard? Not a one of us is a midget. TMC: Whatever. **After the entire Temple recuperated from the hilarity of watching an apathetic TMC being poked, prodded, stuffed, twisted, and contorted into Dominique Moceanu's leotard by his enthusiastic teammates, the roll call continued** CL: Ok, getting down to the wire here folks. Only two teams left. Next up is Team Law & Religion! We chose Chief Jeff to be captain of this team, but since he is also one of the missing Oddity Twins, he will be represented by this Posh Spice Doll. Forming the rest of the Team will be Bello, Judge Terror and the also Missing Joxer Jr. of Taco Bell fame! Forming the religion category of this team we have the High Priest Michael Rudy! Uniforms for this team will be replicas of the stage costumes of the Village People. BELLO: I get the Policeman's outfit! YMCA!!!! MIKE: Cal!! I thought you said I could be on Team Callisto with you and Goddess!! You promised! CL: I said that, but Goddess chose the uniforms. Neither of us wanted to see you in this.... You'd better hurry, or else Posh Spice Jeff is going to make you be the Indian... Team Hudson: That's NATIVE AMERICAN!!! CL: Anyway, last team! **It would take 45 minutes for the cheering to die down enough so that Cal could shout over the din.** CL: Last but not least, we have Team Vicious Circle! We chose the recently returned Samantha McCullough to be the team leader! Joining her will be Dave Moore who has been so quiet that we will give you a Spice Girl Replacement anyway, Gustav, Ron Ablang, who also appears to have dropped off the face of the earth, and Mary. GC: Who in Tartarus is Mary? CL: She's the convert I brought in Goddess. The quiet one. GC: Oh yeah, her. CL: Uniforms for Team VC will be Old Navy Performance Fleece, but none of your colors can match. Matching colors or even tasteful colors will be grounds for a tooth extraction from Heresy. You have been warned. To win the game, be the first team to report to Kevin Wong, the official record keeper. Also report to him if your team dies. The game will commence at... GC: CL: 3:00 AM Cirran Standard Time. And your Goddess commands you start at exactly that moment!! Now...you are dismissed to your team leader's various residences to prepare! GO! **The Cirrans scramble to thier team leaders and then out the Temple, many in their haste leaving cartoon cutouts of themselvs in the marble walls. Goddess and the High Priestess collect their Spice Girl Barbies and laugh hysterically as Team Outlaws trips over each other's shackles for the 50th time, and Team Basically Bards Macarena's out the doors.** To be continued.... ***************************************************************************** ~Cal High Priestess Keeper of the Sword Holder of Goddess's Warhorse TMC: Whatever ============================================================================== Web site copyright (c) 2001 Kevin C. Wong, All Rights Reserved. "Xena: Warrior Princess" and some material copyright MCA/Universal. Materials copyright their respective authors. Send questions and comments to me, Kevin C. Wong (jahn@csua.berkeley.edu) This page last updated: June 11, 2001.