From: Wight@axl.be (Wight) Date: Wed May 05, 1999 02:46:02 US/Pacific To: hudsonleick@onelist.com Subject: [hudsonleick] CRS: Out of bounds: Part I Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com From: Wight@axl.be (Wight) Gotta unwind a bit from studying for my exams, so I thought I might as well have some fun writing a new skit ... enjoy, or delete :) Ofcourse, as always, the skit features our mighty Goddess, and well ... me (you know, it's funny, people say I have an ego problem :) _______________________________________________________ W: Got it !! Hehe you pathetic little creature, you thought you could get away could you. No one escapes me, no one I tell you !! GC: Is that the last of them yet ?? W: I think so. You know my Goddess, when I accepted the position as your official assassin I was thinking I'd be killing humans, not insects ! GC: You wanted humans, you should have said so. Besides, it wasn't my idea to replace horses with cheap, giant cockroaches. W: Hey, it would've worked ok !! I mean, how was I to know the spell was going to backfire and create more instead of bigger bugs. GC: Either way, you made them, you get rid of them. W: Ahah !! Got you. There, that's the last of them. GC: Good, put their remains in a sac and toss it out, ... oh .. and do not try to ressurect them again ... you won't be able to control them. W: Oh ok ... ... I never get to have any fun. W: Just one, what harm can it do, right ? Arbra ... cadictus ... alima ... Voice: What is going on here !! W: Aaaarhh !! My goddess ... I wasn't ... I mean ... It isn't what it looks like !! Callisto: Who are you ? And what isn't what it looks like ? W: Huh ? C: Well ? W: Oh, I get it, this is a game right. First you get me all confused, then you throw another fireball at me. Hey, could you be more careful next time ... last one almost killed Squeaky III. C: What in Tartarus are you talking about, and who are you ?!! W: Oh, going for the good old fashioned kill !! I can understand that. A girl wants some diversity once in a while. No sweat !! C: W: Good move my goddess, though I feel I should remind you that you'll need to slash with the sword to have an effect on me, stabbing won't work ... C: Listen and listen good you knuckle brain. I'm going to say this once ... I ... am ... NOT .... your .... goddess ! W: Huh ? C: Huh yourself. W: You're not Callisto the Goddess ? C: I'm Callisto, but I'm not a goddess ... W: Hey, would you mind waiting here for a sec. I promise I won't run. C: Very well. W: W: You're not Callisto ? C: No, I'm Callisto, the Warrior Queen ! W: I don't understand. C: I bet that happens a lot, hmm ? W: Oh, you're Callisto alright. That hurt ! C: Why, had to use your brains for once ? W: Hey, can we stop it already. Underneath this skeleton assassin killer exterior there is a frail ego working, ok ! C: W: Ok, so where did you come from ? C: The future. W: C: What ? W: Ok, supposing I were to believe in this time-travel stuff, you can't be from the future because then you'd be a Goddess. Callisto the non-goddess lived in the past. C: I did. W: So how can you be from the future ? C: I doubt you'd understand, isn't there anyone smarter in this town ? W: Hell no !! C: Really ? W: Well, maybe one or two people ... C: Really ? W: Oh ok, maybe four or five. C: Really ? W: Oh stop it already. Just about everyone, there, you happy now ? C: That'll do. W: Hey, why don't I take you to see our Goddess. C: You don't know what happens when a person sees herself ? W: Err, no. C: Neither do I, but I don't want to find out. W: I hate to burst your bubble, but there's a invention, it's called mirrors. Some people look at themselves all the time ! And apart from a little brain-damage, they seem fine. C: Shut up. W: Yes mam !! ... Hey ... wait a minute, you're not my goddess, I don't have to listen to you. C: I told you to shut up !! W: On second thought, I think maybe I will listen to you afterall. C: Good, lets go search someone with more then three braincells so I can explain what's going on ... W: Roger that ... ________________________________________________________ End of Part I ... And ofcourse, as you can see ... I'm going to be needing volunteers on this one again. Anyone up for it. I promise that apart from a bit of torture, abuse, being called names, and maybe dying, nothing bad will happen to you ... no, really. -Wight- ============================================================================== From: Wight@axl.be (Wight) Date: Fri May 07, 1999 04:34:15 US/Pacific To: hudsonleick@onelist.com Subject: [hudsonleick] CRS: Out of bounds, Part II Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com From: Wight@axl.be (Wight) Previously on: CRS: Out of Bounds: --------------------------------------------------------- -After a spell-backfire, Wight's plan to replace the horses in New Cirra with giant cockroaches fails miserably ... -Outside the temple of the Goddess Callisto, Wight meets yet another Callisto ... -This Callisto is not, however, the Goddess, but claims to be from the future -When Wight does not understand, Callisto suggest they go seek a smarter Cirran to tell her tale to .. -And now, the next part ... . . . (Ed. Note: The cameraman had a phobia for insects and passed out after the first shot ..) ___________________________________________________________ A: That's right baby. Come to papa. Oh do I have some loving for you. I waited a lifetime to be at your side, but now, we finally did it. You and I baby, it's as simple as that ... A: Oh you're going to get me rich !! A: Very ... very ... very rich !!! A: Yikes !!! Goddess Callisto !! This isn't what it looks like. I can explain ... you see ... there was someone trying to steal the goblet, so Bello hired me to check the security of the museum, figuring if I couldn't steal it no one could ... well, I have ... W: This isn't the goddess. A: Huh ? W: This isn't the goddess ... A: You mean this *isn't* the goddess ? W: A: You mean you and her aren't here for the goblet ? W: Nope A: And I just gave myself away didn't I ? W: Yep. A: Damn. So I suppose you'll be wanting the goblet back now, right ? W: Nope ... A: Really ?! That's great. You're a real pal. W: ... cause when I tell the Goddess it is missing, she's going to put a contract out on your head. A: Errr, ..on second thought, why don't you take this No really, I want you to have it, from the bottom of my heart. W: A: So you're Callisto, but you're not the goddess. Let me see, that means you're the Callisto from the future ... C: How did you know ? A: This is New Cirra. I just thought of the most absurd thing I could think of and figured that'd be it. It was either you being from the future or you actually being Xena who has been transformed into Callisto by space aliens that dine on cornbeef ... C: A: W: Hey, did I mention I can cast a spell that'll make all the cows in New Cirra grow purple dots on their backs ??!! A: C: W: Well, I can ! C: This one looks pretty smart, maybe I can tell my story to him. W: You sure ? I mean, I was going to bring you to Leicky. A: Hey, what does she have that I don't ?! On second thought, don't answer that ... C: Ok, you guys better sit down for this. W: A: W: A: W+A: C: Where does this Leicky person live again ? .......... L: One .. two .. and stretch ... One ... two .. and down ... one ... two .. and stretch ... One ... two ... and up ... one ... E: Can .... we .... stop .... already ??!! L: Hey, do you want to stay in shape or not ? E: Not !! L: Huh ? Then why didn't you say so in the first place. E: I didn't have a choice, this scene started with me right in the middle of things, remember ? L: Oh right ... E: Goddess !! L: That's not the goddess ... E: Huh ? C: How did you know ? L: I'm the goddess' bard, I know such things. Besides, I forgot to do the laundry this morning, so if you were the goddess, I'd be running around on fire already. W: See, I told you she was smart ... A: Hey, I was smart too !! W: Sure you were buddy, sure you were !! A: Oh I'll get you yet. E: Ok, so if she's not the goddess, who is she ? A: She's Callisto from the future ... E: Which means ... W: Wouldn't I like to know ! C: ok, everyone, sit down ... C: Wow, maybe I should move here. Ok, here's the deal: I'm not your Goddess. I'm Callisto, but I'm mortal, I didn't eat any ambrosia, I didn't eat the apple of life. And, I'm from the future, not from the past. C: Now, in the future, my future that is, a descendant of Xena is going to go back in the past. Your past that is. To try and right the wrongs done to me, well, you're me that is, or at least the me of your past, by making sure the raid on Cirra never happened, in the past, both our pasts ... C: When this descendant of Xena goes back into time, the real Xena, the Xena of your past, gets hurled into the future. Yet not completely in the future, I mean, not in my future, but in your future, cause my future is you future's future ... C: Now knowing about the time travel thingie, Xena decided she can use it to save her son. She hurls herself into the future, my future's future, and then goes back into the past, your past, right before her son dies. C: However, by arriving there, she someone unleashes a time paradox and hurls me into the future, saving her son, and totally screwing up the timeline. I appear in the future, and am so mad that I kill all of Xena's descendants there. However, a few years later, I realize I need them if I want to restore the timeline. She I travel back into time, however, a new time paradox happens and the Callisto that is in the future is switched with the Callisto in the past, that past of the Callisto in the future .. C: That Callisto doesn't know about Xena's descendants, so lets them live, making sure that a descendant of Xena lives in the future, my future, to go back in the past, and make it possible for me Callisto to be there, in the future. However, that Callisto later learns that she can go back to the past, our past, and make everything right again. C: And that Callisto, ... is me. There, it's that simple ... W: E: A: L: C: Hmmm, this is not going as planned. Well, bottom line is, I'm going to need your help restoring the timeline. You see, all the normal timelines are pretty much screwed up, but New Cirra is such a screwed up timeline already that it wasn't affected by all this traveling. Hence, you're about the only pers... .. beings, that can still travel to the other time lines without causing even more paradoxes. W: E: A: L: C: Oh ok, in short, I want you to go back in time and kill or stop Xena's descendant ... W: Cool !! E: Ahh, sounds like fun. A: I bet there are a few things I can steal ... again ! L: We can do that ... C: Very well then, follow me ... ________________________________________________________________ That's it for this part, tune in next week from another episode of ... CRS: Out of Bounds, :) -Wight- ============================================================================== From: Wight@axl.be (Wight) Date: Tue May 11, 1999 07:58:08 US/Pacific To: hudsonleick@onelist.com Subject: [hudsonleick] CRS: Out of Bounds, Part III Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com From: Wight@axl.be (Wight) Previously on: CRS: Out of Bounds: -------------------------------------------------------- Announcer: A mortal Callisto, travelling time from the past's future's past's past's future ..., err, or is that the future's past's past's future's past ..., or maybe, the past's past's past's future, or ... well, anyway, comes to New Cirra to gather help on a mission to stop a descendant from Xena from the future's future's future's past's future, or was that past's past's future's future's past's, or perhaps ... aaah, screw this ... read the previous chapter for yourself and leave me alone dammit !! ______________________________________________________ C: This is it, the time portal ... L: Whoa, this is like totally radical dude !! E: Leicky, everything alright ?? L: Oh yeah, just working on my Aphroditian. A: So this is going to teleport us to the past ? Handy, I could sure make use of a little gadget like this. W: So how does it work ? C: Well, you just basically step through the purple surface, and it'll transport you to a different time. Mind you, the doorway is attuned to just one person, currently me, and I'm the only one who can control where we go. Also, after I step through, the doorway closes and reappears in the different time-line. A: What happens to us if you don't step through ? C: You'll be trapped. A: I knew it. L: Hey, what about this other side ?! That'll do. E: So, my Queen, where did this portal come from. C: As far as I've been able to find out, it was originally created by a scientist in the 24th century, using some sort of strange magical power called Quantum Mechanics. He then bound it to Xena's descendant, called Lucy, btw, allowing her to travel time. But when the paradox occured, the bound got transferred to Xena, and then later to me. A: Well, what are we waiting for. There's work to be done, things to be removed from their rightful owners ... C: A: What ?! I can't take advantage of the situation while I'm there ? C: Oh shut up C: Next ? L: Hey, shouldn't we warn the Goddess before we take off ? C: That might not be a good idea. If she met me, we could create a devestating, terrible time paradox. Even just hearing about me being here could cause troubles. L: Oh, ok. .......... A: What a rush !! W: I think I'm dizzy ?! E: Hey, what happened to all the trees ? L: Dammit, forgot to turn of the lights again. Going to be Tartarus to pay tonight !! C: And here we are. E: So this is the past heh ? C: Yes, welcome to my world. L: that sounds so strange when it's not followed by: now get ready to leave it. C: Huh ? L: Don't worry about it, just remember it for later. Oh, and while we are on the subject, do yourself a favor, avoid anything rocky ... oh, and do us a favor too, when you meet a little brat called Hope, just kill her and get it over with ... C: O ... k ... E: What year is this anyway ? C: 'A fistful of dinars' E: Huh ? C: The Xenaverse isn't really big on numbers, especially not when it comes to dates, so they just count in episodes over here. E: Oh. W: So what do we do now, my Queen. C: Well, first I have to figure out where we are. Xena's descendant is heading towards Cirra, so if I know our location, I can intercept her. Lets get out of these woods shall we ... C: Hello !! W: What ? E: Huh ? L: Someone called ? A: I think I heard a sound ... C: Of all the places I could go for help, New Cirra had to be the only one available Just follow me, ok ! W: Roger that ... E: What in Tartarus ?? C: Don't mind them. L: What happened ? How come they appeared out of nowhere ? C: They're generic villains. You see, Xena often gets into a fight with a bunch of badguys without names, backgrounds or personality. Since these guys have no real life, they sorta appear out of midair, and usually return to it five minutes later. W: This doesn't make sense. How could you live in a world like this ? C: It doesn't seem strange if you live in this world. It only makes no sense, when like us, you are visitors from a different reality. Every reality has it's own, strange, inexplicable occurences. But if you're a denizen of that reality, you don't notice them. By Tartarus, your reality is full of them ... E: Oh yeah, like what ? C: Like that !! E: What ? What happened ? C: Oh, never mind, lets just get going. L: Oh, boys and girls, I hate to break it to you, but I think the generic villains are deviating from their mission. Generic Badguy (GB) #7: Well well well, if it isn't Callisto herself. You know the Athenian goverment has put a big bounty on your head. C: I know. And I suppose you're here to collect, hmm ? W: Oh goodie !! A fight GB #5: Lets get them boys !!! C: Now, be a good boy and be so kind as to tell me where we are, hmmm ? .......... W: *Burp* ... excuse me. A: You know Wight, you're always wondering why the other Cirrans avoid you. Over come to think it might be exactly things like that ... W: Like what ? E: You just are a man's heart for crying out loud !! W: Oh, I get out. You're all jalous because I didn't share ... that's it. A: Oh never mind. L: So my Queen, what are we going to do next, what's the plan. E: I thought the plan was to kill this Lucy person and get it over with. C: That might be easier said then done. In this reality, Xena, or any descendant of her, can be pretty hard to kill. Trust me, I speak from experience. A: Then what ? C: Hmm, I have an idea, gather around will you. C: *whisper* ... *whisper* .... *whisper* C: Yeah, you want me to tell the plan out loud so you don't have to think of one yourself. Forgot it buddy. C: Oh no you don't. I'm the main character. *I* control the story. You don't control anything. .......... GC: Hmm, Wight was supposed to be back right now. I wonder what's taking him so long. He better not have tried to resurrect those cockroaches> GC: Hey, where did he go. This is not amusing me ... GC: What, Leicky is gone to ?! What is going on here. GC: What !! Again !! This is a conspiracy, and I'm getting ticked off !! GC: Ok, this it. Someone's going to pay for this !!! __________________________________________________________ That's it for now, Tune in next time, for more of the same ... -Wight- ============================================================================== From: Wight@axl.be (Wight) Date: Sun May 16, 1999 02:25:31 US/Pacific To: hudsonleick@onelist.com Subject: [hudsonleick] CRS: Out of Bounds, Part IV Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com From: Wight@axl.be (Wight) And here we are again, wasting my time writing this while I should be studying ... oh well, I suppose Callisto will always be priority 1 for me :) _____________________________________________________________ THE STORY SO FAR: ----------------------------------- A long time ago, in a galaxy rather nearby actually ... Our heroes: Autolycus, Eliot, Leicky, Wight and Callisto The Warrior Queen, after having travelled from the present into the past, had set off to prevent a descendant from Xena, called Lucy, from stopping the raid on Cirra and causing a change in the timeline. However, they quickly found out they cannot just kill a descendant of Xena, so Callisto came up with another plan. _____________________________________________________________ E: I'm not a woman !!! E: Grrrr ... tell me again why I had to be the one to dress up like Gabrielle ? Why not take Leicky, at least she is female !! L: Pretend to be Gabrielle ? Hah, I would never lower myself to that ! E: What about Autolycus then ! W: That may not be a good idea. I've seen Autolycus dress up like a girl once too many already. I think he might be starting to like it. W+E A: Hey !! E: Ok, then what about Wight. C: Yeah, like that would work. Hello there Gabrielle, my, have you been eating enough. You sure are skin over bone. Hmm, not even that !! Nope, you've been selected to play the brat, now shut up and play your part. W: E: Ok, then what about you Callisto ! L: W: A: C: E: Ok ok ! Forget I mentioned it ! C: So it's settled then. You're playing Gabrielle. E: Yeah yeah, but none of you better talk about this when we get back home. W+L+A: Ofcourse we wouldn't !! E: Promise ... W: Errr, look, what a nice tree ... A: Ahh, look at the time ... L: I think I saw a rabbit somewhere ... E: Guys !! W+A: Ok, we promise. E: You too Leicky ... L: Ahh, ok, I promise. A: Hey, I have a question. Where did we get the wig and bra from anyway ?! A: What ? I want to know. L: Yeah, this isn't XWP or HTLJ where you can get away without explaining important stuff like this. Tell us, where did we get the wig from ... A little earlier, the party met the Widow Twanky on the way to Cirra. After a long bargain session, during which Autolycus stole the stuff they needed, and Twanky's purse, they two sides parted ways again.> L: What a lame explanation !! C: Shut up everyone. Lucy is coming. Quick ... hide. C: Play the part !! L: Gabrielle ... is that you ? E: Yeah ... Errr, I mean yes. <(Hmmm, this joke really doesn't work in typing)> Lu: Wow, I can't believe it, it's actually you. Hey, but wait a minute, what are you doing here ? E: What are you doing here ? Lu: No, I mean, you aren't even supposed to be ten years old yet, how can you be here ? E: Never mind that. You're not supposed to know me, and what's with the outfit. Lu: I won't ask if you won't ... E: Deal ! Lu: So, what's going on. E: Oh Xena, you have to help me. There's a big, scary monster chasing me. W: Roar !! A: Grrrr .... !!! L: Waf .. Waf ... Waf .... Ouch, what did you that for ? E: See, the monster, it's near !! Lu: Don't worry Gabrielle, I'll protect you ... W: Hey, I can summon up an illusionary monster, watch this ... L: That's your monster !! W: Damn, sorry guys. I rolled a 1 on my last spell-casting attempt and with my wisdom of 6 that means I got a critical failure. I can't do anything but summon cockroaches for the next 20 turns. L: A: W: Hmm, I'm talking out of character again aren't I ? E: No Xena, this monster is too powerful. We have to run ! Lu: Ofcourse we don't. I'm Xena remember, except that I've a black belt in karate as well, no monster is going to scare me. E: Damn !! Err, I mean good. In that case, we don't we go and kill the monster. Track it down instead of letting it come to us. Lu: I don't know ... I have a mission to ... E: Please ? Lu: Oh ok, lets go. .......... Yes goddess. GC: Hmm, on second thought ... Hey Kira, get back over here. KL: Yes ! GC: Just wanted to see something. KL: Aaaarrrhhggghhh GC: As I thought ! I'll have to study this some more, see where it leads. Sorry Gerry, resurrecting you will have to wait Bye bye ... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- E: Is that it ? Are we dead ? Is this the afterlife ? W: No it isn't. Shees, you humans are so ignorant. Trust me, when you get to afterlife, you'll now from the screams of pain and agony ... L+E+A: What ?!! W: W: Hey, can someone help put me back together. L: Oh ok. Hey, what's this ? A: It's like he isn't really there. In fact, I can't touch any of you. E: How do you know ? A: I just tried to pick your pockets ! E: L: Oh this is great. First Callisto disappears, then the time portal that has to lead us back is gone, and now where all ghosts or something. E: No, I'm not a ghost. See, I can pick up this rock ... L: What rock ? E: This one L: I don't see any rocks. A: What are you talking about, the place is littered with them ! E: Huh, I see only two rocks. L: And I don't see any at all ! W: This is odd. Maybe we should go outside. L: Good idea. A: E: L: W: W: A: What is this place ? L: It looks like the forest that was here before, only there's less of it ... E: What are you guys talking about ? A: Something very strange is going on here ! A: By the goddess !!! Run for it !!! L: What in Tartarus is he talking about ? E: There is something very strange going on here. L: Tell me about it. Hey, Wight, wake up. W: I was just faking it ! L: Know that feeling ... E+W: L: Errr, never mind. Hey Wight, what do you make of all this. W: I have absolutely no idea. E: Great, that helps a lot. Go back to sleep will you. W: I don't sleep ! E: Whatever. L: So what happened in the cave, and where is Callisto ? E: I think we witnessed a time paradox. W: What makes you think that ? E: Callisto did say stuff like this could happen. L: That's right, so that might explain why she's gone. She went back to the past ... or the future ... or maybe just New Cirra. W: And took the time portal with her ! It was bound to her, remember ! E: Oh crap ... L: So, what do we do now ? ____________________________________________________________ Sorry, that's it for today. Not much inspiration, but hey, I have an excuse, I'm in the middle of my exams ... :) -Wight- ============================================================================== From: Wight@axl.be (Wight) Date: Tue Jun 15, 1999 06:46:46 US/Pacific To: hudsonleick@onelist.com Subject: [hudsonleick] CRS: Out of Bounds: Part VI Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com From: Wight@axl.be (Wight) Hi all, Well, someone on the other list had to audicity to state, and I quote: "I'm *sure* there's no CRS activity on the other list". Naturally, I took that as a personal offence (Hey, I might not be the best skit writer there is, but my efforts should at least count for something), and take the time off from studying to write the next part of this skit. There, goes to show how much he knows huh ? :) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bobby: Hello Jim, here we are again with another exciting episode of CRS: Out of Bounds. Jim: That's right Bobby, and it looks like it's going to be a blast today. In the lineup, we have Autolycus, Leicky, Eliot, and Wight, as well as Gerry and KiraLoret, and no less then two different Callistos !! Bobby: Yes, quite a team there. Though at this point we can only suspect what the opposition will field. One thing is sure though, it will be a match even for the best of them ... Jim: Count on it. But before we go to the playing-field, perhaps we should briefly look into what happened last time. Bobby: Good point Jim. Lets see now. Jim: That's how it all got started. A chance encounter, and a little later a team was formed... Bobby: And their goal: Nothing less then the restoration of the timeline, by fixing a time paradox caused by Lucy, a descendant of Xena. Say Jim, we say Lucy getting hit pretty hard out there last time, do you think the opposing team will be able to field her again ? Jim: I don't know Bobby, only time will tell ... Bobby: Jim, I don't know about you, but I think we may need a ref on this. I suspect foul play here. Jim: Could be Jim. It wouldn't be the first time someone messed with the playing field. Jim: And that's where we left off. So what do you say Bobby, do you think they'll make it ? Bobby: Are you kidding ... these guys ? They're a bunch of bumbling idiots, they wouldn't even make it out of closet ! Jim: Ofcourse, you're right, well, what do you expect from a group of whacko's that worship some obscure and insignificant goddess that ... Hey, who's that ? Bobby: I think it's the writer of this story ... Jim: Why's he holding a sword !!! ________________________________________________________ G: What ?! What happened ?! Did I just get killed ... again ?! KL: Last thing I remember was the Goddess pushing me into this strange warp-portal, and ... hey, you were supposed to be ashed !! G: I knew it ! I did get killed again ! KL: Errr, yeah ... Sorry. G: It's ok, I'm used to it. At least I have the honor of having been killed by the goddess more then anyone else ... KL: I'm jalous, really, I am. G: So where are we ? KL: Damned if I know. G: Doesn't look like anything I know. Hey, why don't we go ask that woman over there ... G: Excuse me, but could you ... ... Xena !! L: Who are you ? G: You don't remember me ? L: No ! G: Hmm ... hey, wait a minute. What's going on here. Last thing I knew I was a man on a mission. And you and I were working together sort of to free Gabrielle. L: What ?! G: And now I'm here !! Arrrgh ... getting killed all the time isn't bad enough. Now people are messing with my head as well. KL: Relax, be happy, last thing I know you were just a bunch of black ashes in a container, and the goddess was going to ressurect you just so that she could kill you again. G: Hmm, on second thought ... this isn't so bad. L: Could someone please tell me who the hell you two crazies are ? KL: Oh right. Err, we're from New Cirra. The goddess send us here to investigate the disappearance of several of her disciples. L: That makes no sense at all. What Goddess. KL: Uhhh ... G: Uhhh L: What Goddess ?! KL: You see, where not supposed to say her name ... L: Oh please. Ok, if you're not suppose to say, why don't you give me a clue, something so that I can guess who you're goddess is. L: Ouch !!! ... Why did you do ... Oh wait, I get it. Callisto ?!, your goddess is Callisto ?! KL: L: It was Callisto that put me here. G: How so ? L: She tricked me, used Gabrielle against me, then pushed me into the time-portal's dark side and trapped me here in limbo. I wonder what's going on ... L: L: Ahh, I know. There are two Callistos. One is from the future trying to undo the time paradox I created just like I was, only she's going about it a different way. The other doesn't know and is trying to find out what's happening. She did so by throwing you into the portal, but threw you in the wrong side, which led you to be trapped in this place. There are four others, also Cirrans, which have gone back in time as well, with the Callisto from my time. Callisto is missing by now. Oh yeah, also, on the other side of the world someone just farted, the next lottery number is 13-7-41-24-11-33, and you're currently wondering how I know all this stuff. KL: Yah-hah !! L: Easy, I'm a descendant of Xena. Just like her I have the writers at my side. G: I see. Cool. So do you know how we can get out of here ... L: Sure do ! .......... A: Geessshh, all I did was try to steal a little egg ... it's not as if I was kidnapping their first born ... oh wait .... never mind. A: Giant lizards, lush jungle, overgrown reptilian birds. What on earth is this place .... AP(apeman): Uggh-ugh shaka la-ga !!! A: Shut up buddy I'm trying to think ... ... WHOA !! What in Tartarus are you ... AP: Uggh-ugh Homo Sapiens .. A: Homos ... errr, sorry buddy, I think you got me figured wrong. I'm not into that ... AP: Uh ??? A: Oh, wait, Homo Sapiens. Sorry there pal, thought you meant something else. .. WAIT A MINUTE ... homo sapiens. You're a human ? AP: Hu...ma ? A: So you're a homo sapiens ? And those big giant monsters trying to eat me, they must have been dinosaurs. Oh man, I've gone back in time to the days of prehistoric man. AP: Pre...hi...tori ... ? A: Hey wait a second. Dinosaurs and Homo Sapiens didn't live in the same age ... Sheeesss, they couldn't even get right ... /CUT > A: But the others couldn't see the dinosaur, and it's not like it's something they could've possible missed. . Which means ... .......... L: So I see more green, and everything seems newer and younger then with you guys. E: That's right. A lot of the trees and nature's beauty is gone here, and things seem to have the stamp of time pressed upon them. W: And where I am there's no green at all, just, ... well, something resembling a city only ten times bigger, more fantastic and with a lot more lights. L: Besides, none of us can actually touch each other. We can see each other, and hear each other, but other then that it's like we're in different worlds. E: Or more correctly, ... different times ! W: so what .... .... ...... ....... E: So what do we do next ? W: Lets see, we're hopelessly lost in an unknown enviroment and unpredictable situations. I see only one possible solution: ... Kill everything that moves !!!! E: No Wight, that's *not* a solution. You tell him Leicky L: Huh You're right Eliot. Wight, you're an idiot ! E: Ok, now that that's over. Here's what I propose. Since Callisto is basicaly the only one who has any real understanding of this time travel thing, we split up and go search her. If we can find Autolycus, we can search four different times. She should be in at least one of them. L: Good idea. Hey, but Wight, since you're in the future, you will have to search for another time travel portal, or someone who creates these things, as well. After all, Callisto was from the future. W: Why me... E: Ok, lets split up. We'll meet here again in 24 hours. Everyone, synchronize watches ! L: Err, right, well, lets just get going then ... Kirra: Scanners detect two ships ahead ... they are ... ...... W: What the Taratarus is going on here !! You're supposed to announce my story, not this DS9 crap !!! Announcer: Hey Wight, check this out .. ...... Kirra: ... Borg cubes !! ..... W: Whoa, kewl. So what happens next ... Announcer: What about what happened in your last chapter. W: Ahh, let them read about it in the last chapter ... _____________________________________________________________ GC: Hit it doc !! Frankenstein: Got it. GC: LOL, good one ! Dr.F: Anything for science. GC: Ok, now lets do this thing. Dr.F: Here goes nothing !! Dr.F: Yiiihaaaa !!!! ... ... ... ... .... GC: Not again, I can't believe I actually did it to myself this time !!!!! DrF: Excuse me, what are you talking about ? GC: Shut up pissant ! DrF: Right. GC: No, it isn't !! DrF: GC: Now how am I ever going to find out where my subjects have gone, if I can't use the time portal to follow them !! DrF: Excuse me my Goddess, but ... aren't you able to use your powers to travel back and forth in time anyway ? GC: Oh, that's right. Good plan. Bye bye ... DrF: Phew ! Good thing she didn't blame me for the cave-in ! GC: Didn't think of that There, I feel better now ! ............. W: I feel like a little fly caught in my grandfather's underpants ! What is this place ?! Announcer: And now, a message from our president: COCA-COLA !! Wight: Gangmember: Whoa, you're a weird one. Give us all your money chummer ! W: Finally, something I recognize: good old fashioned crime ! Gangmember: Hey, what are you, deaf ? W: Nope, just dead, as will you be if you don't get lost real soon W: Five new servants, that should speed things up a bit W: Dammit !!! Woman: Aaaargggh, That ... that ... thing ! It killed them !!! Man: Must be one of those new Mark VI droids, these things go berserk all the time !! W: Aaarghhh, it's back, it came from the depths of hell to get me, but I won't go without a fight !!!! Cop1: What is this thing ?? Cop2: Looks like my wife ! Cop1: Shall we arrest it ? Cop2: For what ?! Something as simple as murder ? What for, he'd be free before the day is over anyway. Cop1: No, for damaging our car ! Cop2: Oh, right. That's no simple misdemeanor. Lets get him !! W: Arrrgh, what is this. Cop1: A one way ticket to the worst place on earth buddy ! Cop2: The senate ? Cop1: No, jail you moron ! Cop2: Oh, right. _____________________________________________________________ More to come, -Wight- ============================================================================== From: Wight@axl.be (Wight) Date: Mon Jul 05, 1999 03:52:44 US/Pacific To: hudsonleick@onelist.com Subject: [hudsonleick] Out of Bounds, Part VII Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com From: Wight@axl.be (Wight) And here we are again ... :) _____________________________________________________________ LAST TIME ON ... A: Alright alright, stop it already, shees !! A: I hate to say it buddy but this prologue joke is getting really old really fast. I mean, how many times do you think you can just use a phony introduction that no one has any use for and think it's funny heh ? A: Frankly, I think I speak for everyone when I say: "We're tired of it !" A: So this time, I'm telling what happened ! Capiche ? A: Alright, lets see ... This whole thing started with me getting caught ... errr, with me allowing myself to get caught, stealing something valuable from the Goddess' temple. A: A: Why did I allow myself to get caught ? To be able to steal it again ofcourse ! New Cirra is a small city you know ! A: Ok, now that that's settled I got contacted by Callisto, not the goddess but the mortal, who had traveled from the future to put something right in the past. We left a little later, Callisto, me, and three twits, and traveled to the Ancient Greece of a time long gone to stop a descendant from Xena from stopping the tragedy at New Cirra. A: Anyway, thanks to my brilliant plan we succeeded, but in doing so something unforseen happened and we all got teleported to a different time. To make things even worse, Callisto disappeared. So now, we are all in different times, searching for Callisto so that we can go back to New Cirra. A: Me ? I'm in the prehistoric age. So, without further adieu, lets go watch ... well ... me !! __________________________________________________________ A: Hey !!!! ... A: A little to the right. A little further ahead. Perfect ! HS (homo sapien): Ugha-ugha ? A: What am I doing ? Just giving myself a little edge. Did you know the king's treasury is going to be build in this exact spot ! Ha, are they going to be surprised ! HS: Nugh-Gha ? A: Naah, you wouldn't understand. A: In case any of you are wondering, how come I can understand the prehistoric language, the answer is simple. I spend some time with Hercules and Iolaus, so I'm used to dealing with primates. A: There ! Got it. Oh this is going to make me the greatest thief of all time. I got items hidden in all the major treasure places. Once I get back to my time, there'll be no stopping me, ever ! HS: Tuf-tuf ? A: Yeah, I'm still working on that. I figure if we find Callisto, we'll find a way to go back. HS: Tuna-nu ? A: Oh trust me, you'll know when you see her ! A: HS: TR (T-Rex): HS: Arrrrrgh !! A: Errr, nice lizard .... good boy. You don't want to eat me, when I get back to my time I'm going to deposit a large amount of money to the lizard-preservation funds, so if you kill me you'll kill your own grandchildren ... TR: A: Great ! I have to meet the ony dinosaur that's impotent ! Run for it !! A: Alright that's it Mr, I ain't watching Godzilla anymore !! A: This had better work !! A: Here goes nothing !! TR: A: Hah.That's right ... And remember: Shop smart: Shop S-mart !!! A: Huh ? Where did that come from ? .......... Meanwhile ... Eliot: I really don't see what's so wondrous about it ? ... E: Alright, now how am I going to find the Godd... err, Callisto. There must be a million people here, it's like finding a needle in a haystack. E: Hey look, a needle ! E: Wow, what's this. Starts looking through the various magazines. Clerk: Hey, you gonna buy something or not ? E: Excuse me, I just wanted to know what year this is. Clerk: What do I look like ? The President. You wanna know what year it is you buy a goddamn newspaper. E: Alright, give me a newspaper then. Clerk: Which one ? E: Huh ? Clerk: Which newspaper ? E: Errr, the cheapest ? Clerk: Figured ! That'll be two dollars. E: Two what ? Clerk: Dollars, cash, money ! E: Ahh, money. Will that cover it. Clerk: Yes ! Yes, that'll do fine ! E: Thanks E: Still problems in Kosovo ... Possible early elections ... Samprass wins Wimbeldon ... ah, here we are, 4th of July, 1999 .. E: 1999 !!! Man, I've gone forward in the future more then 2000 years! Oh wait a second, we don't have the same time-scale, I'm not supposed to know that ... E: E: Huh ? Go away you mut Voice: Hey, my dog !! E: E: Goddess Callisto !! HL: Huh ? E: I'm so glad I found you. We could really use your help oh almighty goddess. HL: Right. Here you go ! E: Wait, Goddess, don't leave ... wait for me !! ....... __________________________________________________________ Continued in next chapter, -Wight- ============================================================================== From: Wight@axl.be (Wight) Date: Sun Jul 11, 1999 03:55:52 US/Pacific To: hudsonleick@onelist.com Subject: [hudsonleick] CRS: Out of Bounds Part IX Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com From: Wight@axl.be (Wight) WHAT HAPPENED SO FAR: ---------------------------------------------- L: Hi everybody ! Everybody: Hi Dr Riviera ... L: Euh, right. Since Autolycus got to announce the previous Out of Bounds chapter, I figured it was my turn now. Oh, and guess who I'm going to meet today !! Come'on, guess ! L: Oh ... come'on, I bet you'll never guess. This is going to be so cool ! Ok, tell you what. You all take a piece of paper, and write down the name of the person you think I'll meet in this chapter. L: And if you're right, you'll win a free 'I met the Goddess and all I got were these 3th degree burn marks'-Tshirt. L: L: Everyone ready ? Ok, lets go see then. Oh, right ! Almost forgot, the story so far. L: Ok, Callisto came to Cirra to recruit help to go back in time. Our mission failed, Callisto disappeared, we all got scattered in time, the Goddess is off to search us, and some other stuff. Did I mention I'm going to meet someone important today ? .......... L: Here Callisto Callisto Callisto. Here Callisto Callisto Callisto. ... Oh, this is never going to work. L: L: I think I better return with my bard greeting. There's no place like home, there's no place like .... Hey ! Wait a second, that's not right. Amazon(A): Greetings sister, what is your name. L: Leicky. A: Tell me Leicky, do you too suffer under the greed and arrogance of the male species. L: Huh ... ............ L: What in Hades' domain is that ?!!! Leicky walks over to the window to see what disturbs her sleep. Bard(B): Oh Leicky, I love you so, I never never never wanna let you go ... Oh Leicky ... L: Sheesss !! Get a life will you !! ............. L: Euh, yeah. Sure. I suffer under the greed and arrogance of men. A: Then you have come to the right place sister. Let us take you to our village. L: Cool ! L: Amazon: Queen Cyane, there is someone here to see you. Cyane (CY): Ahh, good, pizza delivery is here. You are mean then half an hour late, so the fifty five pizzas are ordered are free. L: Wait, that's not fair, I could't find it with all the threes and stuff .... Wait a second, that's not right. A: Queen Cyane, this is a fellow sister that has lived under the brutal rule of men for way too long. L: Errr, actually, I live under the rule of a woman. A: Ohh ... but I bet she looks like a man ? L: I wouldn't say that ... A: Talks like one ? L: Nope. A: Has one ? L: Not a chance in Tartarus ? A: There are other men ruled by her ? L: Ahh yes, that's it ! A: See, this fellow sister won't take the reign of men any longer !! L: Amen ! CY+ A: What ? L: Err, nevermind. CY: Leicky, you are welcome among the amazons. We will protect and care for you as if you were one of our own. L: Cool !! .......... DrS: Ahah !! My work is complete ! Now, no one will ever be able to stop again. Voice: Guess again !! DrS: What ? Who are you ??!! Person: My name is ... Bond .... ... Callisto Bond. DrS: Agent 007 !! I should have known. Get her my minions !!! DrS: Hah, you might be able to kill my Ms. Bond, but there is no way you can stop my doomsday machine. In exactly fifteen seconds, it's bye bye world !! 007: Cool !! DrS: What ?! 007: Always wanted to see that, the end of the world. They deserve it. DrS: Huh ? 007: Oh come one, you know as well as I do there is evil in everyone, just waiting to come out. DrS: But, but ... 007: All people are wicked ... And they deserve everything they are going to get. DrS: No !! I can't take it no more 007: Wimp ! Q: It's great to be omnipotent. Now where's Picard ? Q: Whoops. Great job agent 007. Another evil mastermind behind bars. And now I belief you wish to continue your search for the timemachine build by the evil Dr Trams ? 007: The world wouldn't be safe as long as he has that machine in his possession. Q: Quite right, quite right. I have a few new gadgets for you. See your sword. 007: Perrrrfect ... That'll work really well against Xe ... or Trams. Q: I also modified your dagger. If you push the small button on the hilt it'll turn in a grenade and incinerate everything within a fifteen meter radius. 007: Nice .. Q: And I redid the sheath of your weapon so that it can be converted to a car, hoovercraft, airplane, tank or spaceship if the need arises. 007: That'll be useful Oh I just need to test that !! Q: Well, good luck Ms Bond. 007: Cya later ... ________________________________________________________ Continued in next chapter , -Wight- ============================================================================== Web site copyright (c) 2001 Kevin C. Wong, All Rights Reserved. "Xena: Warrior Princess" and some material copyright MCA/Universal. Materials copyright their respective authors. Send questions and comments to me, Kevin C. Wong (jahn@csua.berkeley.edu) This page last updated: May 4, 2001.