From: Wight@axl.be (Wight)
Date: Mon Feb 07, 2000  10:51:01  US/Pacific
To: hudsonleick@onelist.com
Subject: [hudsonleick] CRS: A new project
Reply-To: hudsonleick@onelist.com

From: Wight@axl.be (Wight)



<Wight is walking across the street, whistling a tune>

W: I love the night.

<Suddenly, Goddess Callisto appears, blaze of fire, big bad burns, you
know the drill>

W: Aaargh !!

GC: <to herself> I still got it.

W: My goddess, how can I help you !

GC: I'm bored.

W: So ... ?

GC: So I figure I'd roast some Cirrans.

W: Eeeek !!

GC: Care to be first ?

W: Wait ... <thinks fast> .... isn't, errr, isn't there something else
to do ?

GC: Nope.

W: Wait .... err, isn't there something on the tv ??!

GC: I don't watch tv !

W: <yes you do>

GC: <shut up !>

W: <sorry> Err, what if I were to create something on tv, something
that you'd like. Then you wouldn't be bored anymore and wouldn't have
to roast me.

GC: <cocks head> Hmmm, I don't know.

W: Please ?

GC: Oh alright ... I suppose I could give it a try. But if you fail,
your bones are mine !

W: <gulp>

<Callisto disappears and Wight starts thinking long and hard. And then
finally, after a long long time he decided this really isn't his sort
of thing and goes to a neighbouring village to steal an idea from
there, which eventually results in ... 

........
	--------------------------
	I CALLISTO TV I
	--------------------------

With this week's special:


STAR TREK: The Callisto Generation
----------------------------------------------------------

-
Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship
Fireball. It's continuing goal to seek out new life, new
civilisations, then either destroy them whole or exploit them and milk
them for every resource they have. 
-

<on the bridge of the Fireball ... >

Data: Captain, I've scanned this region of the neutral zone. It
appears to be empty. There are no Xenite Warbirds in a thousand
lightyear radius.

<The camera moves over to the captain's chair, turned with it's back
towards us. As the chair swivels and Captain Callisto comes into view,
the crowd of viewers applauds and starts cheering loudy>

Data: <looking puzzled> However, it does appear some strange anomaly
is causing some rather disturbing sounds. 

CC (captain Callisto): <wearing a red starfleet uniform, but with a
big archaic sword on her back> Check the sensors again, are you sure
there are no Xenites anywhere near ?

Data: <rechecks> That's positive captain.

CC: Damn, I felt like shooting down a few of our hated enemy.

Riker: But Captain, what of the prime directive ?!

CC: Data, recite the prime directive

Data: The prime directive states that we are not to interfere in the
...

CC: <interrupting> Data, recite the *new* prime directive.

Data: Acknowledged: The new prime directive states that no bridge
officer shall question the orders of Captain Callisto. Furthermore,
the captain is justified in doing whatever she feels like at the
moment, not matter what to cost both to ourselves and to other races

<At that moment, councilor Troy walks in, and promptly gets shot down
by Callisto's fazer>

CC: <to Riker> See ?

Riker: Yes Captain.

CC: Good, replace the councilor and head course for Destina. We've got
a planet to destroy.

Data: I thought we were going there to open diplomatic relations,
captain ?

CC: <confused> So, what's your point ?

<Suddenly, the Red alarm goes off. On the viewscreen, out of nowhere a
Borg Cube appears>

Riker: Captain, it's the Borg !!

<everyone gives Riker a harsh stare for stating the obvious>

Data: Captain, I'm detecting one Borg cube, on an intercept course.
They outrun us sir, we've got nowhere to hide.

CC: <thinks> What's our chance of defeating a Borg cube in combat ?

Data: 0.0004 % Captain.

CC: <thinks further> What's the chance they'll stop chasing us if we
give them a sacrifice, like say commander Riker here ?

Riker: <looks worried>

Data: 0.002 % Captain.

CC: <considers> Ahh what the Tartarus, throw him out anyway ...

Riker: NO !!! <gets dragged away by a security team>

Data:< a minute later> The Borg didn't go for our bait captain.

CC: Ok, open a hailing frequence then.

<The com springs to life: WE ARE BORG, RESISTANCE IS FUTILE, YOU WILL
BE ASSIMILATED>

CC: Yeah yeah yeah, anyone awake over there or is that just your
answering machine ?

Borg: WE ARE BORG

CC: I am Callisto !

Borg: DESIGNATION CALLISTO, SPECIES HUMAN, TYPE FEMALE, STATUS:
ACCEPTABLE FOR ASSIMILATION

CC: You know, that's the worst come on I've heard in years, and I've
been around for a long time.

Borg: UNIT CALLISTO, PREPARE FOR ASSIMILATION

CC: Just a second, I've got some additional information <turns to
Data> Data, send them my psych profile.

Data: Captain, is that ...

CC: Just do it Data !

<Data sends the profile>

Borg: NEW DATA RECEIVED: UNIT CALLISTO: PSYCH PROFILE: ...

<there is a pauze>

CC: Go on !

Borg: NEW DATA ASSIMILATED: UNIT CALLISTO: PSYCHOPATIC, INSANE, 

CC: Just misunderstood !

Borg: ... DANGEROUS, INDIVIDUALISTIC, INDEPENDENT.

CC: Well ?

Borg: ANALYSIS: UNIT CALLISTO: DEFINATELY NOT SUITABLE FOR
ASSIMILATION !!

CC: There you go. 

Borg: WE ARE BORG, PREPARE TO BE IGNORED. RESISTANCE IS NOT NECESSARY.

CC: <idea !> Hey wait a second.

Borg: COMPLIANCE DENIED.

CC: I mean, listen to me. I know someone who would be perfect for
assimilation.

Borg: WE ARE BORG. WE WILL LISTEN.

CC: <gives directions> Take a first left, then a right, then fly
straight forward until you reach a big blue planet called: Xenatus.
You'll find nothing but suitable candidates there.

Borg: THANK YOU, WE WILL PROCEED TO XENATUS. ASSIMILATION WILL OCCUR.

<The borg take off.>

CC: <giggling> And that takes care of her ...


<Fade out>

.....

JOIN US NEXT WEEK FOR YET ANOTHER EXCITING EPISODE OF: 

STAR TREK: THE CALLISTO GENERATION.

..........

Coming up next: THE SIX'A'CLOCK NEWS: BLOODIER AND DARKER THEN EVER !!



-Wight-

==============================================================================

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"Xena: Warrior Princess" and some material copyright MCA/Universal.
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Send questions and comments to me, Kevin C. Wong (jahn@csua.berkeley.edu)
This page last updated: July 4, 2001.