She
desperately kept the fear and sadness locked up deep inside. Fear that
she would fail, sadness about her family. Those emotions only got in
the way of The Quest. Instead, she embraced her hate and anger; letting
them focus her mind, guide her actions.
Or at least, that's what she had done in the past. Callisto
realized that the singleminded dependence on those dark emotions had at
least partially led to her insanity. A madness that had intensified
when she had attained Godhood.
When her Godhood had been taken away, a part of her had been torn
off as well. She had lost her intensity, her passion for The Quest.
When she called on her hate there was only a vague shadow of what she
originally had. That constant companion had deserted her, and she had
felt empty and directionless.
But then she had discovered that her madness was gone too. She
had felt that she was once again in control, for the first time in
quite a long time. She hated Xena, not as much as before, but enough to
still want her dead, to which she immediately set out to accomplish.
The dreams had
started again when she had learned that Xena was only a few days away.
Callisto had heard that the Warrior Princess and her bardic companion
were resting in Poteidaia, visiting the redhead's family. The survivor
of Cirra had, in the past, often dreamt of that night when Xena had
taken her family. But since her return, she hadn't dreamt at all -- at
least nothing that she remembered.
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Now though,
she dreamt every night. She had started dreaming of Cirra again. But,
more puzzling, she was also having different dreams. She dreamt of
destroying Xena's soul in a hundred original and blood-spilling ways.
She dreamt of her victims, who would appear and torment her with her
guilt. She dreamt of Gabrielle, who she had so cruelly tortured because
the bard was Xena's best friend.
The closer she got to Xena, the more the dreams reflected her
lunatic Other. More blood spilled, more pointless killing, maiming,
torturing -- all promised by the Other in the name of Vengeance. These
dreams disturbed the sane Callisto greatly, for she feared she would
one day wake up and only the Other would be left in her mind.
At one point the guilt-ridden blonde had decided to stay away
from Xena. That only brought the Cirran dreams to the forefront. The
nightly dreams of her mother and sister burning were also driving her
insane. In her fertile mind, she dreamed of the other ways in which
Xena could have robbed her of her family. Slavery, slow tortures, she
couldn't stop the dreams.
In between getting closer to Xena or going away from her,
Callisto had her most rational dreams. These dreams were nightmares
too, but they dealt with her past actions. Now that she was sane she
could appreciate feelings like guilt, regret, remorse, shame. She could
empathize with her many victims -- what they must feel because of her
actions. In these dreams her past victims hated her and condemned her
soul to Tartarus. But some forgave her actions and took pity. Those
were the worst.
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