Today, one of my Internet friends told me that he had just gotten engaged to a woman he's never physically met. Now, I should have been expecting this development, as he's become quite enamored with her these last few months. But it all seems so rushed to me, it pains me to see two people going so far on perceptions.

I've written before that I think people fall in love not with a person, but with an idealization of a person. You meet someone, go out on a few dates, do activities together, talk to them. You still don't know the real person. All you get is sort of what they are trying to project on the outside world. Admittedly, some people act the way they feel, but I haven't met any who don't try at all to adapt their conduct in different situations.

In any event, I don't believe the views that the Internet breaks down prejudicial barriers by making all communication text based. The argument is that since you can't see the other person, you can't stereotype based on age, sex, race, and a host of other things. People are reduced to a base level, where it's pretty much what's in your mind and what you say that counts.

Yeah, right. On the Internet, people can be even more duplicitous than in real life. It's easier to pretend to be something you're not in text than than in person. I know, I do it all the time. In the end, I want to meet someone and get to know them and make my own judgements rather than be handed a character sheet of who they think or want to be.

So, what I have here is a friend, who I will call HP for the sake of convenience, who is a grown adult. He's rather sheltered, as he has MS and lives at home. He has a fairly good life experience, probably better than my own. But he doesn't really know this woman, who is much older than him (admittedly, I was one of those who urged him not to be so hung up about an age difference) and has more experience in the world.

And I'm worried. I'm worried that since I partly encouraged this, I'll be partly responsible if something goes wrong. And I do have a bad feeling about all of this. He hasn't told his parents. He's scared to tell his parents, who are strict religious types. She's going to visit him after New Years, and it'll all start coming to a head then, I suppose.

But he's really happy. He thinks he's in love, and who am I to get in the way of that? What right do I have to try to influence his life? He's sometimes too easy to push around, so I tend to be careful of what I say to him. I want him to be his own person, to make his own decisions, but I think he has trouble sticking to his decisions.

Given my apprehensions, I still sit back and do nothing. I try to be the supportive friend. And I'm happy for him. Meanwhile, I wait to see what happens when he finally meets her. My course of action is dictated by my beliefs: don't try to change people, let them do what they will and hope for the best. Of course, I could also see that position as being one of cowardice. Don't get involved and you won't be to blame. Am I sticking to my ideals, or am I finding a way to cop out? I don't know.