Apologies if the skit is a bit too graphic or suggestive. Note: originality is not one of my strengths.

((...)) Character actions
(...) Character thoughts
[...] My comments

Leicky's at the Mayor's Office, ostensibly to do the daily mundane Mayoral work that she has pledged to do in Melissa's absence, but really this is the only place in New Cirra where the Goddess won't barge in on her unexpectedly. She lounges on the cushy Mayoral Deluxe Lay-Z-Boy (gotta get one of these babies for my apartment, she muses) and surfs the 'Net during her 2-hour breakfast break.

LK: Let's see... HLOFC Page... Special Pages... Personals...

[No, there is no such page on the HLOFC Web Site]

LK: ((Reading)) 50-eyed psychotic SWF seeks like-minded SWM to help her paint the town bloody. Must have at least 25 eyes and be able to run faster than the average Cirran. Call xxx-xxxx. ((Shudder)) Sounds like Clix.

LK: ((Next entry)) SWM Scottish-American seeks volunteer to help with an oral presentation for the Goddess. Must have full set of teeth and a low pain tolerance, a good screaming voice is a plus. Call xxx-xxxx. ((Shudder)) Sounds like Heresy.

LK: ((Next entry)) SWF Dominatrix seeks a subservient follower. Ever wonder what it's like to have your belly split open and see your entrails spill out into the cold light of reality? Call xxx-xxxx. ((Shudder)) Sounds like Cal.

[Ever wonder if long term exposure to New Cirra makes people enjoy giving pain? If only Gene were still around.]

LK: ((Next entry)) SWF seeks personal bard. Must be able to cook, clean, know how to operate a TV and VCR. Politeness and a good upbringing are also necessary. Call xxx-xxxx. What a minute! That's the Goddess' phone number!

Leicky storms out and drives over to the Goddess' apartment. Bello sees Leicky drive by at an excessive speed and ponders whether he should ticket the bard (Well, she did just run over Cinnica, but I'm not sure if running over him is a crime. I'll go to the station and look it up).

LK: ((Bang, Bang, Bang on the door baby [Love Shack, that's where it's at]))

GC: ((Opens door)) Bard! What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at the Mayor's office?

LK: ((Storms in)) What's the meaning of that personal ad you posted to the HLOFC personals page?

GC: ((Thinking back)) Oh, that! Well, you haven't been doing all that great of a job and I thought that a change of bards was in order.

LK: ((Greatly offended)) What? I've poured my heart and soul into being the best personal bard since Melissa! ((Walks to the Goddess)) Why I've even had to postpone the building of my Beauty Solon so I'd have more time to cater to your every whim. ((Gets closer)) And this is how you treat me!