So I watched "Fight Club" today, and it's quite graphic, violent, and a little disturbing. But it is a good movie, with a few sur- prises and unlike anything I imagined from the previews. I can understand why some critics hate this movie and why others think it's great. It takes a while for the big plot point to appear, and if you're paying attention you can guess a few minutes before it's explained. I of course didn't get all the clues together until just before the big revelation.

Now I'm watching "Meet Joe Black" on cable, another Brad Pitt movie. This one is more of a love story, slower paced. Totally different in style and tone. One of the first scenes is when girl meets boy in a coffee and they start a conversation. This got me to thinking how when you meet someone you're interacting with a persona.

When two people meet and fall in love, the initial part that is, they're falling in love with this persona, filled in by their hopes and dreams. And many times they get married and find out that the person on the other side of the bed isn't exactly what they thought they would be. That's one reason people fall out of love and get divorced, and it's unfortunate.

A few weeks ago I was talking with a couple of people and we were discussing marriage. Well, they were discussing marriage while I mostly listened and occassionally chimed in. In Asian cultures, and other cultures, there is a tradition of arranged marriages. And statistically this works out rather well, and I don't think it's because of the culture per se. It's more the common culture.

Parents arrange marriages for their kids with mates who are of the same culture, religion, background. So all the holes are filled in already, you won't get the kind of surprises that come as a shock. All it requires is for the two people to actually like each other in the first place. And contrary to popular opinion, if the two people meet and really don't like each other, then there is no marriage.

Well, let me go back and clarify a little. Most arrange marriages aren't the "you-have-to-marry-this-person-or-else" type. It's more like an arranged introduction, or a blind date. In cultures where this is the norm, the parent arrange potential marriages. Perhaps their son or daughter won't like the setup and say no, but many times it does work out. I can't say I truly understand, as I was not brought up that way. But I've seen it and it does work quite well.

Another option that's more common in American culture is to move in together. Once you've lived with someone for a few months you get to see them at their worst. It's not a very Christian sort of view, as I think living in sin is a... well, sin. But living together doesn't imply sex to me, and that may just be my parti- cular skewed world view.

I have said before that I believe in love at first sight. But it is rare, extremely so. It's easy to fall in love with what you think a person is, it's a disservice to them and to yourself if that's not the person you are.