During the
drive back from Vancouver my parents and I talked a bit. Dad explained
the family tree, though there are so many names that I forgot most of
them. T’a Juanita is a second cousin of dad's (though it's a bit more
complicated since since somewhere farther up the line cousins married
so they are also first cousins by marriage? Something like that). T’o
Napo is Juanita's brother, making Oscar and Niko first cousins of Cesar
and the twins. That makes me and my siblings third cousins to the other
kids.
Still, it doesn't matter much since we're a fairly close family and any
distant cousin is treated as a full member. Even Maribella, who is
married to a distant cousin was treated well, though she was a bit
bored at the wedding reception since it looked like everyone else at
her table showed up way late. All this family closeness is so different
from at home with my parents. I have a rather distant, and at times
adversarial, relationship with my parents and I let that affect my
relationships to my cousins. Never really paid much attention and this
vacation in Vancouver was a real eye opener.
Apparently all is not well in the Siu family. As my parents relate it,
T’a Juanita is worried about all her children. Cesar hasn't invited her
to see their house (which T’a Juanita bought for her daughter) and he
has invited _his_ family and friends over. He also doesn't currently
have a job (but then again, the economy is not that good). And then
there's Cesar's mom, who is living in the basement rent free.
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I'll take the
points in reverse order. For the mom, Cesar did explain it to me and it
made sense when I heard it. Unfortunately I don't remember the
specifics since it wasn't that important to me. But still, she's family
and I'm sure he asked Christina. What's this all about supporting our
family but I guess it doesn't extend to in-laws.
Cesar doesn't have a job. He's been looking and he has been working
(albeit it's volunteer work). That's worrisome but not a character
flaw, which is how it seemed to me they were looking at it. As for the
first point, it's really up to Christina to invite her mom to dinner at
the house. Cesar may have been thoughtless or maybe he has a good
reason -- tolk to him already. This passive aggressive shit sucks. I
know it well, for I'm passive aggressive, but I really try not to blame
people for not being omniscient.
Communication. It all boils down to communication. The parents (or
whomever sees a problem) needs to talk to the other party. Obviously
the guy who thinks everything is fine and dandy is not going to say
anything or change his ways. You can't expect people to know your inner
heart unless you tell them what's on your mind. Sheesh. I'm totally on
Cesar and Christina's side, which made for a bad argument on the drive
back. It's a generation gap.
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